


Fifty Shades of Youngjae

by Deescent



Series: Fifty Shades of Youngjae [1]
Category: GOT7
Genre: Dont worry THERE IS SMUT, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Smut, How Do I Tag, I Don't Even Know, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Bad At Titles, Light Angst, M/M, Minor Park Jinyoung | Jr./Mark Tuan, Porn With Plot, Smut, Smut comes in a bit later oops, i think, just later
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-29
Updated: 2018-07-23
Packaged: 2019-05-30 05:34:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 32,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15090092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deescent/pseuds/Deescent
Summary: Youngjae becomes fascinated with "Fifty Shades of Grey", his curiosity getting the best of him.And you know what they say: Curiosity killed the cat. Or rather, the Youngjae, when Jaebum finds out about his "dirtier side".AKAUh youngjae sees fifty shades and becomes curious about toys and bondage and other dirty things and Jaebum finds out  ; )





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> Terrible at writing anything and everything lmao what am I doing with my life.

Youngjae ran his tongue over his lips as his mouse hovered over the play button on the video that was full screened on his laptop. He made sure his sound was up and that his headphones were connected before breathing in deeply and pressing play.

The “Fifty Shades of Grey” title immediately popped up on screen, and Youngjae settled in his seat as he gazed at the trailer. He watched as the two main character's story was briefly summarized, starting from how they met and how they ended up “working" together. The part that had Youngjae leaning into his laptop though, was the second half of the trailer. Right after the female lead said “Enlighten me then”, things turned… darker.

Not darker in a disturbing sense, but in a naughtier sense that Youngjae was very curious about. The screen briefly flashed with different scenes of pleasure objects, bondage, and ended abruptly on the female lead gasping erotically. Youngjae gasped along with her, not prepared for the most interesting part of the trailer to end so soon. His curiosity was piqued though. He wanted to know what those objects were, how they were used, what did it _feel_ like?

Now, contrary to what many others may believe, Youngjae is not the most innocent of people. He's definitely had his share of dirty thoughts and moments that he's not proud to admit to. So could make sense of some of the things he saw. But there is still that burning question, _how do they feel?_

He suddenly had the urge to see the movie. The movie that most girls drag their boyfriends along to see, Youngjae wanted to see himself. He was curious, that's all. Pure curiosity played in his mind, leaving it up to Youngjae's imagination to fill the gaps of the unknown. He figured that maybe, seeing the reaction of the actors and actresses would help him understand more of what he was wanted to know.

The matter was: going to see an erotic movie without the judgement of peers. Youngjae knows that none of the guys would want to go with him, not that you need to see a movie _with_ someone anyway, but it just makes going to see a movie harder when you're by yourself. And the fans, how will he hide himself from the fans? Of course he's bound to run into at least one or two in such a public place. What would they think of him going to see freaking “Fifty Shades of Grey"?

Youngjae figured that these things would have to be dealt with at the time, since he's decided though, that next time they are given time off, he's going to see that movie.

That time came soon, as just a week or so later, the group was given a few days off to do whatever they pleased. In between that time though, Youngjae struggled with keeping his mind off the film. Of course it was popular since it's a film that recently came out, so it was hard to avoid commercials and posters about it. Hed also heard people talk about seeing it with their significant other, which Youngjae couldn't understand why they'd do that as a date, but to each their own.

Youngjae also battled with his own curiosity, not looking at spoilers and blocking out all sorts of talk about the movie, wanting to experience it himself. What he did do though, was educate himself on some of the unfamiliar things he saw. One thing led to another, and Youngjae ended up surfing sex stores and porn sites in the middle of the night to quench his thirst mind.

He couldn't say that it was only for research purposes, but he also didn't want to admit to how dirty he actually felt. Many of the nights he ended up seeing something that really turned him on and he couldn't help the fact that his hand magically teleported to his pants to release some tension. What confused him even more than that though wasn't really the jerking off to porn and sex toys, that's pretty normal, especially for a guy his age, but instead it was the _person_ that came to mind while doing it, and the imaginative scenarios that played out in his head.

The first night of surfing was okay, he fought the urge to please himself and focused solely on his “research". But after the second night, Youngjae's world shook. That night, he found out more about bondage, and he couldn't really understand why something so… different, turned him on. The fact that you can tie a rope around your wrists and let someone do whatever they pleased to you was something that Youngjae fascinated himself with. Watching people struggle against their constraints as pleasure coursed through them filled Youngjae with a desire to try.

That night, when his slender fingers ended up inside his boxers wrapping around his eager member, all he could think about was someone tying his wrists together as they played with his body. And he was surprised, but not complaining, at the fact that most of his thoughts consisted of Jaebum pinning him to the bed as he had his way with Youngjae.

He wasn't surprised at his attraction towards Jaebum, that has been existing for a while now. With Jaebum's lead taking skills and smooth voice and lean body, Youngjae figured that Jaebum could get almost any girl-- or guy --he wanted. He was just a bit shook up by Jaebum suddenly appeared in his darkest thoughts.

From that point on, Jaebum was the main attraction of Youngjae's imagination and dreams. It was one thing to think about the pleasure itself, but it's another to think about Jaebum, _specifically_ Jaebum, doing it to him. He felt dirty everytime he looked or was near Jaebum, in the back of his head his inner desires playing out. He was sure that these thoughts were definitely not normal, and he almost wanted nothing to do with them. Almost.

Youngjae was jittery the whole day before the movie. He opted to see it later in the day, a much later time than he thought anyone would recognize him or even be in a movie theater. He planned on leaving an hour before, to make sure he gets there on time. He dressed in just a black oversized hoodie with jeans and a white baseball cap, just to look and feel like another person going to the movies. Which he technically was, but it felt like much more than just that.

He felt as if he had to sneak out of the dorm, even though no one really cares if he leaves or not. The managers already know he was going out late anyway, but he still too precaution in case anyone saw him. He nearly tiptoed down the hall and through the living room, trying not to disturb the others as he made his way out.

“Hey Youngjae.”

Youngjae had made it to just in front of the door when he heard the voice come from behind him. He cursed under his breath, then slowly turned around.

“Hey…” he said, wondering why of all people it had to be Jaebum to stop him.

“Where ya going?” Jaebum asked, cocking his head to the side.

“Uh, just… out.” Youngjae responded.

“Well duh, I mean, where out?” Jaebum took a step or two forward, genuinely curious of Youngjae's late night adventures.

Youngjae sighed. “What does it matter to you? I'm just going out.” he snapped back, a bit too snippy.

Jaebum raised his hands in surrender. “Sorry, I was just wondering…” he said, backing off.

Youngjae immediately regretted his tone, wondering why his mood suddenly changed like that. “Ah, no, I mean- I'm just going to the movies.” he quickly said.

Jaebum's face lit up. Youngjae's heart did a thing that he didn't approve of it doing at the site of Jaebum suddenly perking up.

“Movies? Its It's been forever since I went to the movies…” he said, trailing off at the end.

“Yeah, same…” Youngjae said, slowly walking back towards the door.

“What movie?” Jaebum asked suddenly.

“Ah, uh, well…” Youngjae stuttered as Jaebum waited for a response. “I'm uh, if I dont go now, I'm gonna be late…”

Jaebum frowned a bit at the fact that Youngjae basically ignored his question, but he let it slide. “Okay, then, can I come with you?”

Youngjae froze. He didn't expect Jaebum to want to go anywhere, especially this late at night. That wasn't the problem though, it being that the night Youngjae was off to see Fifty Shades of freaking Grey,  Jaebum wants to join him. Hed plan this out a whole week in advanced, maneuvering around every possible obstacle, and yet, Jaebum still found a way to intervene.

What was worse though, was the look Jaebum had. He's never seen such a prominent look of hope from him ever. It's almost as if Youngjae could see Jaebum shaking in his shoes like a puppy, waiting to be taken for a walk. How the hell could he say no to that face? That fucking beautiful face.

“I-I guess?” Youngjae finally spit out.

A smile spread across Jaebum's face as he excitedly ran to grab his phone and wallet. “Okay! I don't care what we see, and I'll pay for my own ticket too!”

“The movies at 10:30 though, so we gotta go now.”

“No problem!”

Youngjae couldn't help the smile that grew on his own face, hating how cute he found their overly excited leader right now.

The theater was a long walk away, about 30 minutes, and they had already wasted 20, so Youngjae was hoping that if they hustle, they could make it with 10 minutes to spare. Jaebum though, didn't expect them to be walking and complained a lot on the way.

“You didn't ask any of the drivers if they could drive us?” Jaebum asked as they sped walked down the street.

“Nope. They have lives too, hyung.” Youngjae responded, not even turning to look at him.

Jaebum groaned and asked how much further they had to go, complaining about his feet and legs.

“Hey, you wanted to come, so stop complaining. We're like. Five minutes away now, anyway.”

The two came up on the theater and walked in, Jaebum relished in the cool air of the conditioned building once they walked through the sliding doors.

“Jaebum, we gotta buy the tickets.” Youngjae said.

Jaebum sat down in a chair, panting as he pulled his wallet out of his pocket and handed it to Youngjae. “Just take however much it costs out of there, I'll be waiting here.”

Youngje took the wallet and pulled out his own as he waited for the person in front of him to buy their tickets.

“Hello sir, welcome, what movie will you be seeing tonight?” asked the worker.

“Uh…” Youngjae hesitated, being that in the rush to the theater, he momentarily forgot that he was planning to see a sexual movie tonight. Now that Jaebum was with him though, he had second thought.

Tonight could be the only night he has courage to see it, knowing that he might chicken out in the future, and would have to wait for it to come out on DVD, and of course he doesn't want to _own_ a copy of the movie. He wanted to take a moment to think, but he realized that he didn't have time. He quickly looked up at the movie selections. Spiderman was playing tonight as well. He considered seeing that instead.

“Um, two tickets to… Fifty Shades…” Youngjae said without really thinking, unable to even finish the movie title.

He expected a dirty or surprised look from the worker, but instead they just ripped off the tickets without giving much of a reaction and stated the price.

“Okay, two for Fifty Shades. That'll be $25.” she stated.

Youngjae was caught a bit off guard by the price. “Wow, $12.50 a ticket? Prices sure have raised…”

“That's just how it is, sir.” she said flatly.

Youngjae paid for his and Jaebum's ticket, not taking any money from Jaebum's wallet. That's the least he could do to pay back Jaebum for having to sit through the movie their about to see.

“Here you go sir, theater 6. Enjoy the film” The lady said, handing Youngjae the tickets and taking the money.

“Thanks, you too.” Youngjae said as he walked away, only realizing after he said it the awkwardness of his reply.

Jaebum must've heard that, as Youngjae turned and he was grinning. “Did you say you too?” he asked.

“Shut up.” Youngjae said rolling his eyes as blush dusted his cheeks. He turned away towards the direction of theater 6.

Jaebum laughed, reaching out for the tickets. “Give me mine,let me see what we're watching.”

Youngjae held the tickets away from him. “N-No Jaebum.”

Jaebum frowned and grabbed Youngjae's wrist, pulling him forward. “You need to give it to me, they won't take both from one person.”

Youngjae struggled as Jaebum reached for the tickets, finally grabbing them and handing one to Youngjae, keeping the other away in his other hand.

“No! J-Jaebum!” Youngjae yelled trying to reach around him, but failing. As he watched Jaebum read the ticket and his eyes widen, Youngjae walked away quickly towards the theater.

Jaebum followed him, his mouth agape, turning into a smile of disbelief.  “Youngjae! We're seeing Fifty- “

Youngjae spun around quickly and grabbed Jaebum's wrist. “Shut the fuck up! Don't say it aloud…” he said, dragging Jaebum to the theater.

Jaebum shut his mouth, but a smirk remained on his face as he stared at Youngjae in awe. The two gave their tickets to another employee who ripped off the stubs and pointed them to theater 6. The employee saw the grip Youngjae had on Jaebum and looked at the two, raising his eyebrows.

“You two have a _pleasant_ time.” he said while grinning.

Youngjae looked down at his hand and immediately let go of Jaebum, not wanting to give off any misconceptions. Even if they were favorable misconceptions.

They made it into the theater with about five minutes of trailers left before the movie started. To Youngjae's surprise, people were actually still willing to see a movie 10:30pm. The theater was packed, but there were quite a few people, especially couples, in the theater. Youngjae internally groaned and walked to the empiest row possible, sitting all the way by the wall. Jaebum quietly followed, taking the seat next to him.

After settling in, Jaebum leaned close to Youngjae's ear, the latter tensing at the sudden heat by his face. “You want anything? Snacks? Soda? I'll buy it.” he whispered.

Youngjae shook his head almost unnoticeably, but Jaebum must've seen it because he leaned back in his chair. Another minute or so passed before Jaebum leaned in again, this time is hand coming up to Youngjae's face.

“Honestly though, I’m so surprised at your choice of movie.” he whispered before chuckling slightly in Youngjae's ear. Youngjae shuddered at the close proximity, Jaebum's puffs of breath as he laughed ghosting against his ear and the sound of Jaebum's laughter nearly killed him. “I'm learning new things about you, Youngjae.”

Jaebum then leaned back in his seat, smiling at Youngjae before sticking his eyes to the screen. Youngjae took in a heavy breath. He now has to spend 2 hours next to Jaebum, who already sees him as a pervert, watching a movie about a dom and a sub. This is exactly the reason why he wanted to see this alone, yet here he was, in a theater with quite a few people, and Im Jaebum right next to him.

As the lights dimmed and the movie started, Youngjae tried his best to remove these thoughts from his mind and focus on the movie. The first parts were a bit slow, as Youngjae couldn't care less about how the two main characters met or whatever drama maybe happening. He was here for the parts that made him feel like he was on edge, that made him lean forward in his seat and grip the arm of the chair. He didn't even pay attention to the fact that Jaebum's arm was on the armrest when he grabbed it, and Jaebum didn't mention it either, seeing how engrossed Youngjae was with the dirtier scenes when they came on, he let the younger dig his fingers into his arm.

During the scenes in the bedroom and the red room, Youngjae felt his heartbeat quicken, watching the teasing and enticing from both the male and female leads drew him into that world even more. The female lead gasping and pleading for the male leads touch, and the one part where she was thrown over his lap as he brought his hand down on her ass, made Youngjae yearn to feel the same pain and pleasure. He adjusted himself multiple times in his seat, feeling the front of his pants tighten as the movie progressed.

The movie ended with more drama that Youngjae was never interested in from the start, so during that part he couldn't help but let his mind wander back to the scenes before. He could almost imagine what it was like to be in the female leads position, letting Jaebum play with him.

_Why did I just think about Jaebum?_

Youngjae suddenly snapped from his thoughts as Jaebum tapped him to get up, signaling the movies end. Youngjae stood and looked down, self consciously pulling his sweater down to his thighs to cover the bulge that had begin to form in the front of his pants. Hopefully Jaebum didn't notice that.

The two walked out of the movie theater into the fresh, cool night air. Its was about 12:30, and the walk back was long, so they took their time heading back opposed to rushing like they did when arriving. They walked in silence for a bit, Youngjae stealing glances at Jaebum who was occupied on his phone at bit. He tried to focus his attention on the night sky, or the lights of the store fronts, or anything that _didn't_ remind him of the movie.

“I just texted the guys. They were wondering where we were so late.” Jaebum said suddenly with a chuckle.

Youngjae's head snapped in Jaebum's direction. He was worried that Jaebum had told them about the movie and how they reacted. Youngjae immediately reached for his phone to check the group chat he muted from the guys texting back and forth too much.

Youngjae's frantic actions must've shown though, Jaebum laughing a bit louder as he watched Youngjae search for his phone.“Don't worry, I didn't say anything specific.” he assured Youngjae.

Youngjae looked at Jaebum, relief washing over him. He had just found his phone in some random pocket that he almost never puts things in, opening it up to read what exactly Jaebum had texted.

“I just told them we were out seeing a movie and that the managers know about it. That's all.”

Youngjae read the texts and to his relieve and peace of mind, Jaebum did in fact text those things, and didn't get specific. Youngjae sighed, holding his hand to his chest as he took a deep breath. Jaebum reached over and wrapped his arm around him, pulling him closer to his body.

“But, Youngjae…” Jaebum started, putting Youngjae on edge again. “Why… _that_ movie?”

Youngjae didn't know exactly how to respond. He understands why Jaebum was curious, but he couldn't give a reasonable answer. Was he supposed to be truthful and tell him it was his pure curiosity and fascination with that stuff? That he often imagined himself in that situation with the man currently walking next to him? What was one to say to not make it extremely awkward?

“Uh, it was just… I don't know, spur of the moment, I guess.” Youngjae said, hoping Jaeb would buy that answer.

Jaebum nodded seemingly accepting of Youngjae's response.

“But…” Jaebum started again, making Youngjae want to just die already. “...it couldn't have been spur of the moment, I mean, you must've planned to see that specific movie to know it started at 10:30 before even getting to the theater, right?”

“Spiderman played at 10:30 too.” Youngjae tried as a rebuttal.

“Yeah but we _didn't_ see Spiderman, did we?” Jaebum said.

Youngjae wanted to kick himself.

“You bought tickets specifically for that. So, I'm just wondering, why?” Jaebum said, his last words coming out in a low whisper.

Youngjae shuttered and pulled away from him, walking farther away on the sidewalk. “J-Just… because I wanted to! Okay? Does it really matter? It's just another movie…” Youngjae snapped.

There was a moment of silence between them, Youngjae immediately regretting his attitude once again.

“Fair enough.” Jaebum finally said before they officially ended the conversation.

Youngjae was dizzy with the thought that swarmed his mind. He was satisfied with the part of himself that wanted to see the movie so bad, but he didn't anticipate that seeing a damn movie would cause other troubles. Now, his crush on Jaebum has grown to an unmanageable proportion, his sexual desires since watching the movie had increased, and he's overall just embarrassed. All of these feeling mixing together as on unbearable toxin that is slowly damaging Youngjae from the inside out. All he could think now was: what the hell am I gonna do now?

The two made it back to the dorm by 1:20 am, Mark being the only one that stayed up late enough to witness their return.

“You guys had fun?” Mark asked when they walked through the living room.

“Oh, yeah, it was… interesting.” Jaebum said, glancing over at Youngjae who couldn't keep eye contact.

“Whatd you guys see?”

Youngjae froze, looking to Jaebum in a panic for help.

“Eh, it wasn't anything special. Pretty boring movie that no ones really heard about.”

Mark nodded, seeming satisfied with the answer. Jaebum looked over to Youngjae again, winking at him before announcing that he was going to occupy the bathroom.

Mark scrunched his nose, telling Jaebum that he didn't need to announce things like that. Jaebum just laughed, saying he was going to take a shower as well, before heading off down to the bathroom. Youngjae waited a minute, until he heard the bathroom door shut, before he headed down the hall to his room, closing and locking the door. He leaned against the wood, sliding down until he was on the floor with his face in his hands.

“What the hell even happened tonight?” he asked to no one but himself. He sat there on the floor for what had to be about 10 minutes before getting up and dressing himself for bed.

He sighed as he settled in, happy that his eventful night was finally over, but not too happy about the outcome of it. He stared at the ceiling as he thought about the movie, his minds bee lining to the parts that had him fidgeting in his seat. He again began to imagine fingers trailing up his thigh as his arms are fixed above his head. The delicate yet controlling touches on Youngjae's sensitive skin driving him wild. He heard water beginning to run, and the distant humming of a certain person. He imagined that low, soothing humming right in his ear as the feathery touches ran down Youngjae's torso into his boxers, fingers wrapping around the hard member that was contained within them.

Youngjae moaned as he jerked his hand quicker, desperate for release. Finally hitting his climax, a weak and broken “ _Jaebum”_ fell from his lips as his back arched beautifully off the bed, and his liquids spewed in his pants.

 


	2. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's kinda garbage but, read it if you want lol
> 
> *Sorry for any mistakes*

Youngjae felt even weirder the next day about jerking off to Jaebum than he did before. Maybe it was from the constant close proximity of Jaebum from the night before, or maybe it was the fact that he listened to Jaebum hum in the shower while he did it. Either way, that combined with the awkwardness from the movie made Youngjae not look forward to Jaebum sitting across from him at the kitchen table.

He watched Jaebum sleepily sit down with some eggs and toast, looking at whatever may be on his phone. Youngjae hadn't realized how long he'd been staring until Jaebum looked up from his phone, locking eyes with him. Youngjae panicked and looked back at his own breakfast, focusing on eating.

“Youngjae.”

Youngjae choked on the spoonful of cereal he had just put in his mouth.

“Huh?” Youngjae looked up at Jaebum, quickly darting his eyes away, feeling exposed as Jaebum stared at him back.

“You dropped your earphones.” Jaebum said, gesturing to the floor near Youngjae's foot.

Youngjae looked down and saw the earphones he placed next to him on the table now on the floor. He felt ridiculous as he bent over to pick them up, wondering why he was so on edge. He hated feeling like that every time Jaebum says something. It became tiring for Youngjae to constantly be on his toes about everything.

“Thanks…” he said before focusing on his food again.

The two never spoke anymore than that, with Mark and Jinyoung joining them in eating breakfast soon after. Jaebum finished the rest of his coffee before getting up from the table, clearing his space, and leaving.

“You two were out pretty late.” Jinyoung mentioned as he slurped from his own bowl of cereal.

Youngjae looked up from his phone briefly before looking back down. “Uh, yeah. Went to the movies.”

“That late?” Jinyoung asked while resting his spoon on the side of his bowl.

Youngjae felt exposed again, as if the other members knew that they were out late to see a movie that was definitely not pg-13. “Y-Yeah, I mean, we usually go out to the movies late anyway. You know, so we’re not recognized as much?”

“Past midnight though?” Jinyoung asked.

Youngjae just wanted the questioning to stop and he dropped his phone on the table out of annoyance. “God, what does it matter to you anyway Jinyoung? You act like we’re freaking kids that can’t go to a damn movie by ourselves…”

Youngjae stood from his seat and left, heading to his room, Jinyoung watching him go with wide eyes. He looked to Mark for any sort of explanation, but Mark just shrugged in response.

As Youngjae walked to his room, he heard the shower running and the familiar sound of humming from the bathroom. Youngjae paused in his tracks in front of the door as he listened to the soothing sound of Jaebum’s voice. He didn’t know the song,  yet he felt like he could hum along with Jaebum in unison. His ear pressed against the door as he got lost in the wonderful sound, his eyes closing as he leaned his body against the door.

“Youngjae?”

Youngjae jolted at the call of his name, stumbling while trying to stand straight. Jackson had just came out of his room when he saw Youngjae leaning peacefully against the bathroom door.

“Huh!? Uh, h-hey Jackson…” he stuttered as he awkwardly stood in front of him.

“Are you… okay?” Jackson asked, avoiding the main question that was present.

“Oh, I’m fine! I was just, um, I need to take a shower so I was seeing if anyone was in there and yeah, someone’s totally in there.” He explained a little too quickly.

“Right… well yeah, Jaebum’s in there but he might be awhile, you know how he is.” Jackson said as he walked past.

Youngjae nodded and scurried to his room, not wanting to get caught acting weird around anyone else. He slumped to the floor as soon as he closed his door, burying his face in his hands. He realized he could still hear the humming, being that his room was right next to the bathroom. He groaned, hating how much he loved the sound.

All he could think of was Jaebum’s wet body in there, steamy droplets hitting his flawless skin as his muscles flexed under the streams of water. He imagined that body pressed against his own, pinning him to the side of the shower so that he couldn’t escape. Youngjae groaned again, this time feeling himself twitch in his pants.

“No, no, no, it’s too damn early for this.” Youngjae said, willing himself not to think pervy thoughts of Jaebum in the shower.

Instead, he tried putting on some music, as he laid on his bed. He put it on loud, even though it was still morning and he could disrupt the others and their neighbors, but he just wanted to avoid his dirty mind. He played games, looked though instagram, watched YouTube, and did anything else possible that could take his mind off of the naked man next door to his room.

It ended up working too, as Youngjae had occupied himself enough to not even notice that the humming had stopped and Jaebum had gotten out of the shower at some point. As he laughed at something he saw online, he heard a faint knock at his door, and he mindlessly said come in, turning his music down. He looked up from his phone to see who was entering,and suddenly, his mouth went dry.

He watched a water droplet roll down Jaebum’s defined abs that were leaning in through the doorway, swallowing hard on nothing. Jaebum’s wet hair stuck to his forehead as droplets rolled down his cheeks to his chin, hanging there before dripping down. Youngjae’s eyes couldn’t help but travel further downwards as he noticed Jaebum was only wearing a towel around his hips, the front part of it slipping down just a tad and Youngjae was already suffocating.

“Hey, I ran out of lotion, can I borrow some of yours?” Jaebum asked.

Youngjae had to think about what Jaebum said, since he was too busy staring at his way too good looking body to understand the first time. “Huh? O-Oh, Yeah sure… it’s um, in this nightstand…”

Jaebum walked over to Youngjae’s night stand, the younger feeling as if the air was growing heavier as Jaebum neared him. He smelt the shampoo and soap that was emitting fresh off of Jaebum’s body, and he was sure he couldn’t breath anymore.

It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair that Youngjae had all of these uncontrollable thought about Jaebum, and then Jaebum could do things like this. Like walking into his room with only a thin towel around his waist, and Youngjae still having to keep his thoughts family friendly, even under those circumstances. How is he supposed to control his mind when he’s constantly being pushed to the edge with Jaebum? It really wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair how good Jaebum looked. It wasn’t fair how his pleasant smell was suffocating him. It wasn’t fair how Jaebum sounded so soothing when he hummed in the shower. It wasn’t fair how much Youngjae wanted him. All of it really just wasn’t fair.

Youngjae turned over to face away from Jaebum, trying his hardest not to die in his presence. He heard Jaebum open the drawer and shuffle around for the lotion, and Youngjae counted the few seconds that passed until he heard the drawer close. He thought things couldn’t get any worse until he felt his bed dip beside him, a warm heat near his leg. Youngjae looked over his shoulder and felt his heart stop as a Jaebum was sitting there looking back at him.

“Uh... can I ask you a few questions?” Jaebum suddenly asked.

Youngjae’s brain short wired as he realized how close Jaebum was sitting to him and how the only thing in between his body and Youngjae was a towel.

Somehow though, he spit out an answer. “I… guess so?”

Jaebum raised an eyebrow at Youngjae’s unsure tone. “Is that like, yes? Or are you just saying that?”

“Yes! I mean, it’s yes, you can…” Youngjae felt his face and body heating up from embarrassment and something else, and he wondered what shade of pink he was at the moment.

“Don’t be nervous, it’s nothing too… uncomfortable.” Jaebum said, but the fact that he said that made Youngjae even more anxious about what he was going to say.

“Before that…” Youngjae said, sitting up while avoiding eye contact. “C-Can you put on some clothes?”

Jaebum looked down at himself as if he just realized that he was naked. He then looked at Youngjae, his eyebrows furrowed. “You’ve seen me like this before, what the big deal?” He asked.

Youngjae swallowed, not really sure why Jaebum was insisting to stay undressed. “Because, it’s just… I don’t… uh…”

Jaebum bursted out with laughter, startling Youngjae whose heart was hit with the sound like a truck.

“I’m just joking, I’ll go put something on. Be back. And thanks for the lotion.” He said, before getting up and leaving.

Youngjae released a breath he felt like he’d been holding in ever since Jaebum opened his door. He blinked a few times, trying to clear his head of the sight that was just in front of him.

_He looked so good_

Youngjae clenched his fist at the thought. He couldn’t disagree with it, but he didn’t want to think things like that. Not about Jaebum, it wasn’t normal...right?

_I want him so bad… so very bad..._

Youngjae was caught off guard by that sudden thought that ran through his mind. He raised his fists to his temple, shaking his head as he tried the rid himself of it before it goes any further.

_What if I removed the towel?_

“Stop it, Youngjae.” He whispered to himself. His head raced as he battled with himself. His heart was telling him the sinful desires he longed for, but his brain reminded him that he can’t fulfill them.

_What if he wanted me like I want him?_

“He doesn’t, he doesn’t, stop thinking that. That's… weird.” He told himself again. An image of Jaebum’s dripping body flashed through Youngjae’s mind, and he couldn’t keep himself from thinking about what was under that towel.

_What if, he suddenly pinned me down, and touched me-_

“I’m back.”

Youngjae gasped loudly, his eyes widening as Jaebum returned to his room and interrupted his thoughts. Jaebum was caught off guard as well, not expecting Youngjae to react like that.

“Oh, sorry, did I scare you? I should’ve knocked again instead of just coming back in.” He said apologetically, and in that moment Youngjae wanted to hold him and say that it wasn’t his fault, but instead he stayed seated on his bed.

“It’s fine…” Youngjae said as a hand came up to hold his chest. If his heart wasn’t beating fast enough before, it was beating even faster now.

Jaebum walked into the room, closing the door behind him. He sat down on the bed next to Youngjae, now fully clothed, but his hair still wet and sticking to his forehead. Youngjae felt on edge being so close together in a room with someone who he had constant sexual fantasies about.

“So…” Jaebum started, Youngjae giving him his full attention. “I know you’ve been trying to avoid talking about… the movie. But… I think you at least owe me a few answers since you forced me to see it.”

Jaebum was right about Youngjae avoiding talking about the movie. Yet no matter how much he’s tried to avoid it, he still somehow ended up talking about it, and with Jaebum no less. He remembered how Jaebum wanted to go with him, and his reaction after he had he read the ticket.

“But, I didn’t force you. You wanted to come and said we could watch whatever.” Youngjae reminded him.

“Yeah but, I just wanna know, why? That kinda thing isn't something you’re usually into… well, not that I know of…” Jaebum looked at Youngjae as he could find the answer in his eyes.

“Well…” Youngjae didn’t know how to start or what to say, or even if he should tell the truth or not. “I don’t… have a reason, okay? What I’m into is none of your business anyway… I just… I don’t know…”

Jaebum looked away, nodding his head, and Youngjae thought that maybe he gave a wrong answer. He thought that maybe he had been too snappy at him. He wanted to hug him and say sorry for being so mean. But he wasn’t sure what he should do anymore, and he just looked down at his bedsheets.

“Was it possibly…” Jaebum spoke again,  pausing in between, making Youngjae look up again. “...curiosity? Were you wondering about that stuff?”

Youngjae hesitated to answer, firstly, confused on how Jaebum figured that out so fast. Secondly, he knew that Jaebum already thought of him as a pervert for even seeing the movie, so how could he confess that he was, in fact, fascinated with those things?

“I told you Jaebum, I don’t know why.” Youngjae repeated, hoping Jaebum would believe his lie this time.

Jaebum leaned in towards Youngjae, the latter tensing as he got closer. “But, aren’t you? Curious? I mean, you haven’t thought about it even once?”

Youngjae was caught off guard by the line of questioning and sudden closeness, wondering where Jaebum was trying to go with it. He didn’t know what to say now more than he didn’t before. “I...I...um…”

Jaebum leaned in even more, and Youngjae wasn’t sure if Jaebum himself noticed how close they were. “Just… can I be honest? Will you think of me the same?”

Youngjae didn’t know what to think of the question. What could Jaebum possibly tell him that would change Youngjae’s whole opinion of him? There had been many things that they shared with each other, and Youngjae had always kept the same feelings for the leader that he’s always had. Would it be different this time? He wasn’t even sure if he wanted to hear what Jaebum was about to say at that point, but he just nodded his head, bracing for the worst.

“Okay… well, after watching the movie, I thought about… things that never really crossed my mind before. You know… _those_ things… and it just seems so weird that I’m suddenly interested in them. I thought maybe you felt the same.”

Youngjae’s jaw almost hit the floor as Jaebum basically told him that they were in the same boat. He felt relieved, but also even more on edge. He didn’t want Jaebum to think of him differently, but the truth is way too embarrassing, he didn’t even know how Jaebum was able to say it himself. He felt pressured to give Jaebum some sort of answer, but Youngjae still hadn’t decided which one to give.

“Uh, well, I… had seen the trailer a week or so ago… and I guess I just…”

“Wanted to know what it was like? Is that why we went to see that movie? Did you find yourself thinking about it a lot? Did you… did you look up porn to try and understand it? Did you end up finding out… more?” Jaebum threw up questions in Youngjae’s face, the younger unable to handle all of them at once.

“Hold on, I-I just… I mean… I was a bit… I did look up more… and I thought about it a little, b-but it wasn’t that much, okay? Just a bit…” Youngjae confessed, feeling his face heat up with the arrival of more embarrassment.

“Oh…well, did you…” Jaebum trailed off, he was staring at the floor, looking as if he was debating with himself about whether he should continue or not. He then quickly looked up at Youngjae, seeming like he’s decided. “...did you ever… imagine doing it _with_ someone? Like… trying some of the things you found…” Jaebum leaned in curiously, and Youngjae could feel the heat of his body that had moved a lot closer to the younger than it was before.

“Well… I, um… I just… t-thought about it, I guess.” Youngjae answered, not even able to think too much anymore.

Jaebum, the literal person he’d have those thoughts about, was sitting right in front of him, and Youngjae couldn’t figure out what he wanted to hear. If he had said, “ Yeah, I think about you pinning me to a bed and having your way with me all the time.” How would he react? That’s not something normal people do… or think about… or at least Youngjae thought it wasn’t normal.

“Oh… I was… I mean, I did. I thought of someone…” Jaebum said, locking eyes with Youngjae. “And I was kinda confused as to why I was suddenly imagining just grabbing them and…” Jaebum trailed off, not finishing the thought that Youngjae wished he could finish.

The suggestiveness of the conversation was driving Youngjae insane. Youngjae wanted to know what ran through Jaebum's head. He wanted to know if what he thought about was as explicit and as inappropriate as his own dirty thoughts.

“Oh…” was all Youngjae could say though, the two just staring into each other’s eyes as the air surrounding them seemed to grow heavier by the second.

Jaebum suddenly decided to look down though, for whatever reason that compelled him to, and his eyebrows raised at whatever he saw. Youngjae’s gaze followed Jaebum’s to the bulge that had appeared in between his legs.

Youngjae gasped and squirmed as he tried to close his legs and hide the embarrassing hard on that he sported, but Jaebum was so close that his body was in the way. Youngjae ended up giving up on closing his legs, just hiding the bulge with his hands.

“I-I’m sorry it’s just that, it’s not what it looks like, y-you were just so close and, and…” Youngjae rambled, But Jaebum stopping him in the middle.

“It turns you on? The stuff we’re talking about, you like it, don’t you? Or, at least think it _might_ feel good?” Jaebum asked, not moving an inch from his position.

“N-No! I don’t…” Youngjae replied almost too aggressively.

Youngjae looked away, unable to make eye contact while in such an uncomfortable position. Jaebum was basically hovering over him now, Youngjae had been pushed back against his headboard as Jabum leaned over him. They were too close, _Jaebum_ was too close. Youngjae’s air flow to his lungs was being restricted by Jaebum's presence,  and he didn’t enjoy it.Youngjae suddenly felt a hand on his bent knee, his whole body freezing as Jaebum adjusted himself over the younger.

Jaebum looked down again. “ _That_ doesn’t say no…” he said, obviously referring to Youngjae’s arousal.

The aura of the situation got too tense. Youngjae was panicking in his mind on what to do, but he was slowly losing to ability to think straight as Jaebum stared at him with those eyes. Those dark brown pools, that made the room feel as if it got a hundred times hotter, and Youngjae felt like he was suddenly sweating buckets.

“Just answer this…” Jaebum said, his tone sounding a bit lower and his eyes a bit darker as he held himself up with one arm next to Youngjae’s head. His hand was moving downward slowly to Youngjae’s inner thigh, taking it's time as he talked.

“Do you _want_ to find out what it’s like?” he asked, searching for some sort of answer that Youngjae couldn't give given how wrecked he felt already.

“... because I think _this_ proves that you do…”

And then his hand slowly made its way to the tent on Youngjae’s pants, squeezing around it. Youngjae gasped, his hips rocking up into the touch as Jaebum gently fondled his clothed member. His breathing became heavier as the pressure in his groin increased, his body not fully comprehending what was going on yet. He shuddered as Jaebum squeezed his hand and massaged the area, and Youngjae whimpered, unable to control the arousal that was seeping out of him.

Youngjae moaned at a particularly tight squeezed that sent shockwaves through his body, and for some reason that snapped something inside of him. He suddenly became very aware of how close Jaebum was, where his hand was placed, how _good_ he felt in between his legs. It was too much for him to handle all at once, and every thought that had told him “ _no, no, no_ ” rushed back to him, and the next thing he knew, he was pushing Jaebum off of him and running to the bathroom. He locked the door and sat on the closed toilet seat, still breathing heavily and his member still hard.

He didn’t know why he ran out, or why he pushed Jaebum away. Everything he told himself he couldn’t have was right in front of him, and it felt good, it felt _right_ , but then suddenly, it didn’t.

He heard Jaebum soon after knocking on the door to the bathroom, apologizing for whatever reason. Youngjae didn’t want to hear him apologize. He didn’t want to hear anyone or anything. He didn’t even know what he did want anymore. How one movie night turned into something else so quickly boggled his mind.

He decided to take a shower and just clear his mind of everything. Since his curiosity was the thing to start all this, he decided to just forget everything, to just cleanse himself of all the filth that has gathered in his mind and body since the day he watched that damn trailer. So, he did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully you enjoyed it? Lol I feel like I could've written this better or differently, but my mind just kinda worked on it's own and this is what came out hahahahasbsbs


	3. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said smut, and it's coming! Dont worry, just hold on a bit longer~~~~~~~ ;)

The day before had continued on quietly, with Youngjae coming out of the shower “a cleansed man”, or rather, a guy that was just pretending that everything was fine and that absolutely nothing had happened over the past few weeks. He pretended that he was who everyone thought he was, just a clean, bright, innocent guy.

He ignored the sting in his chest when he walked past Jaebum without a word, who was standing in the hallway with worry colored on his face when Youngjae left the bathroom. He dismissed the feeling of needing to turn back, and instead continued to his room, closing the door behind him. He sat on his bed, scrolling through Instagram where he left off, pretending he didn’t hear the knocks on his door from the person who did almost nothing wrong to him.

The knocking had stopped at some point, leaving Youngjae to himself all day, not coming out until later that night to eat dinner and shower. He ran into Jaebum only once that night, during dinner, and neither said a word to each other. It was obvious that the other group mates felt some sort of tension at the table, but no one felt it was their place to ask about it.

The humming that Youngjae got used to hearing every night from their leader wasn’t heard that night; the opposite side of the wall was quiet besides the sound of running water. Youngjae caught himself listening intently, just to hear any sort of noises or sounds but, like stated earlier, that night was quiet.

The morning was similar to the night before, the two meeting at the dinner table, and tense silence settling between them until one left, which was Jaebum, who tended to take the first morning shower. Youngjae watched him go, before remembering that he wasn’t supposed to be thinking of Jaebum, and quickly turned his eyes back to his food. Most mornings were similar, as Jaebum is usually the first one up, along with Jinyoung and Mark, who follow in not long after. Youngjae is usually a late sleeper, but recent events have been having him waking up with thoughts he shouldn’t be having so early in the morning.

He left the table, leaving Mark and Jinyoung to go to his room, again trying to occupy his mind with something other than what he really wanted to think about. Or rather, _who_ he really wanted to think about. No more of that though. He can’t let these thoughts get in the way of their daily life, friendship, or teamwork. It just can’t happen. Although, just the thought of nothing happening between him and Jaebum drives him crazy as well.

He was playing a video game on his laptop when a knock came to his door. Immediately his mind went to the day before, where there was a practically naked man standing on the other side of the door when it was opened. His mind hoped that it wasn’t Jaebum again, not wanting to encounter him after ignoring him the day before. But on the other hand, something deep down inside him really wished it was… and the half naked part would be an added bonus.

Instead, the person who entered was none other than Jinyoung, and Youngjae’s hopes went down again. Why would Jaebum even come back anyway when the last time they talked, Youngjae ran out like a scared kitten. On top of that, he had been ignoring Jaebum for about 24 hours now, and Jaebum seems to be ignoring him back as well. On Jinyoung's entrance, he just glanced up at him and continued playing his game, not wanting to look as frazzled as he actually was.

Jinyoung sat down on the bed next to him, almost exactly where Jaebum sat the day before, and of course, almost as if perfect timing, the shower started running in the room next door.

“Hey.” Jinyoung said staring at Youngjae who tried to focus on his game instead of the sound of water running next door.

“Hi…” Youngjae shifted awkwardly on the bed, almost feeling as if his mother had just walked into the room to have a serious talk with him. “...Do you need something?”

Jinyoung took in a deep breath before beginning. “I noticed…” his eyes wandered around the room before settling back on Youngjae. “I just noticed that… you’re acting… kinda weird, recently?”

Youngjae looked up briefly from his game before focusing back on it. “Really? I don’t think I have been.”

Youngjae knew that was a lie, and that he had in fact been acting differently, and so did Jinyoung, but Youngjae being his inexpressive self lately, continued his act.

Youngjae knew he couldn’t fool Jinyoung though, by the way the others eyes narrowed at him. They traveled down to the laptop that Youngjae's fingers were practically glued to. “Can you at least pause the game? Out of respect, since we're talking?”

Youngjae looked up at him, sighed, then paused the game and flung the laptop across his bed.

Jinyoung's eyes followed the laptop as it was tossed away. “See? That.” He said pointing at it while looking back at Youngjae. “What’s with that attitude lately? Is something wrong?”

Youngjae rolled his eyes, not really sure why he felt that Jinyoung was annoying him. Youngjae knew that he was concerned and only trying to figure out if there was a problem, but Youngjae didn’t want to talk about it at all, he was tired of dealing with it, which was why he's been set on just forgetting everything. That would be so much easier.

“There is no attitude, see? I’m fine.” He said, giving a smile.

“That’s a terrible smile.” Jinyoung said, shaking his head in disapproval.

Youngjae’s smile dropped from his face as he sighed again. “Well if you’re just here to judge my smile then you can go.”

“I’m just trying to see why you’ve been acting differently. It’s only been a few days that I’ve noticed it, but seriously, if something is wrong you have to speak up.” Jinyoung said, a serious look on his face.

“I’m fine. Really. Maybe a bit stressed out but, these few days off should fix that. I’m really okay. Seriously.” Youngjae said, trying his best to make a genuine smile.

Jinyoung stared at him for a few more moments before lightly chuckling and looking away. “Fine, I know you don’t wanna tell me, but I’m just letting you know that I’m ready to talk about whatever’s bothering you whenever you are.”

He patted Youngjae on the shoulder, who was a bit surprised that Jinyoung still saw through his act. He watched Jinyoung head to the door, before he turned on his heels to face  Youngjae one last time.

“ By the way, you look really ugly when you fake a smile.”

Youngjae reached behind him and chucked a pillow at Jinyoung for the insult, but Jinyoung was a bit too fast and made it out of the room just in time, giggling as he closed the door behind him. Youngjae shook his head, a tiny grin on his own face as he thought of how much the others cared about him.

Youngjae did briefly think of Jaebum, and realized that the shower had been turned off, most likely when him and Jinyoung were talking. He reminded himself not to think of Jaebum this time. He has to forget all of his thoughts and urges, it not normal to think like that. No thinking of Jaebum’s body, no wondering what his lips must taste like, no imagining what those toys would feel like if Jaebum used them-

 _Find something to occupy yourself with, Youngjae._ He thought to himself after  realizing that his mind was already drifting back to where it wasn’t supposed to be.

Again, he didn’t leave his room, in fear of awkwardly running into Jaebum again. BamBam peaked in the room to ask him if he wanted to go to the arcade with the others, and was surprised when Youngjae declined, since he usually loves going to a place where all you do is play games. Youngjae did enjoy the arcade, but just didn’t want to be anywhere near Jaebum, he wanted to avoid these awkward situations as much as possible. So, he let the others go, and decided to enjoy a few hours by himself.

As the guys were gone, he decided to finally leave his room, showering and unable to stop himself from putting on his favorite long T-shirt that used to belong to “the person he shall not name or think of”. He never wears the shirt out of the house or around Jaebum, but he loves to wear it to sleep or when he’s relaxing by himself. As much as he’s trying to forget about Jaebum, it’s hard when you own some of his clothes, work together, and live literally in the same dorm. It was like Jaebum was an addiction that was very hard for Youngjae to quit. He traveled to the living room, no pants on and hair still wet from the shower as he flopped himself on the couch and turned on the T.V., flipping through the channels until he found some random reality show that caught his attention.

He partially watched the show, trying to ignore his dark mind that popped unholy images of Jaebum into his head. Youngjae tried to listen to the show, which he thought was a stupid show anyway, and his mind still drifted off to other places. He realized that he was focusing so much on _not_ thinking about Jaebum, that he ended up thinking about Jaebum. Which is not good.

 _Okay fine, just think about his face then._ He allowed himself.

Jaebum's face. It's very cute. Youngjae likes the moles over his eye, and the flashy earring he wears. His cheeks aren't all that puffy, but you can still squish them if you wanted to. His eyes can be big and glittery or small and squinty, and Youngjae likes them both ways. They can change from piercing to puppy like, and the natural creamy color of his skin matches them so well.

And his _hair_ . Well, that's not a part of his face but, it's okay to think about hair, right? But depending on which way Jaebum styles it, it either makes him look like a cute bunny, or a sharp CEO. Youngjae can't even digest the versatility of that man, it drives him crazy. And speaking of driving Youngjae crazy, Jaebum's _chest._ Youngjae thought once that he could land a plane on that thing. And on the rare occasions where Youngjae hugs Jaebum, he puts his head in the crook of his neck or on his chest, which he has to bend down a bit to do since he isn't that much shorter than Jaebum, but either way it feels amazing.

Youngjae felt himself getting too immersed in thought, his legs pressing together as he tried to suppress his “excitement"

_Calm down Youngjae, you didn't even think that much about him. It's not like you imagined him-_

_Naked_. Jaebum, naked? Youngjae was already in too deep. The bare skin of Jaebum's body flashed into his mind as he shifted in his seat. His hand was slowly making its way towards his lap.

_Would doing this be... okay?_

_No, Youngjae, you can't do it._

_But, Jaebum makes me feel this way…_

_No, don't be a weirdo and jerk off to someone who doesn't even think of you the same way._

_But yesterday he touched me here, like he did think of me in that way…_

Youngjae's breath hitched as his hand had found its way onto his crotch. He remembered the feeling of Jaebum palming him through his pants. He tried to mimicking the feeling, small pants leaving him as he squeezed his member through his thin boxers.

“Shi-, Jaebum…” he panted softly, still feeling as if he has to stay silent even when he's the only one home.

Youngjae's breath picked up pace as he imagined Jaebum touching him like that, doing things that Youngjae had only dreamed of him doing.

Youngjae was caught in the pleasure being administered by his hand. A few minutes in though, a noise was heard from down the hall. Youngjae, being the scaredy cat he was, immediately stopped and sat up, staring at the open doorway as he pulled his shirt down over his knees. He watched carefully as footsteps came closer, turning the T.V. on mute, curling up on the couch, and wielding the remote as a sort of weapon. His heart was pumping fast, as he was almost sure he was the only one left in the dorm, and everyone else was at the arcade, so this must be some crazy fan or thief that had broken in. As the intruder approached the living room, Youngjae’s heart dropped in realization, confusion and relief all at the same time.

Jaebum stopped in the open doorway, staring at Youngjae who stared back at him with wide eyes. Youngjae’s hand pressed against his chest as he calmed down from the brief scare, his lungs taking in large swallows of air as his heart slowed. Youngjae watched Jaebum walk to the couch, and his brain suddenly registered that Jaebum must’ve opted not to go to the arcade too, probably for the same reason as himself. Youngjae then realized that Jaebum was sitting across from him on the couch, he wasn’t wearing pants, he was still holding the remote as if he were about to attack, _and_ that he’s wearing Jaebum’s shirt in front of Jaebum himself.

_What if he heard you moan?_

Youngjae stood quickly from the couch, heading off to his room before anything else embarrassing could happen. He almost tripped though, when he felt something wrap around his wrist and pull him back. He yelped in surprise, and he was yanked back, stopping to turn and look behind him at what was holding on to his wrist. Jabum was leaning forward on the couch, pulling Youngjae back to the couch.

“Sit. Please.” Jaebum said, his voice filled with demand, but his eyes begging him to stay.

Youngjae gulped, hesitating before turning to sit on the couch, Jaebum slowly releasing his grip as he sat. Youngjae nervously pulled down the shirt that had risen to his thighs, regretting the action as it directed Jaebum’s gaze to it.

“That used to be mine. I never saw you wear it til now…” he mumbled.

Youngjae awkwardly shifted, feeling more exposed than ever as he watched Jaebum’s eyes scan over his body, before making it back to his face. Youngjae avoided eye contact, silently staring at the equally silent television that was still playing that stupid reality show Youngjae was previously watching. That’s what he thought these past few days felt like, a stupid reality show.

“Youngjae…” Jaebum started, the sudden mention of his name making the younger jump a bit. “I… I’m… you’ve been like, ignoring me… or something…”

Youngjae noticed the nervousness and awkwardness of Jaebum’s voice, wondering if it was an appropriate time to find that cute. His fingertips fumbled with the hem of the shirt he was wearing and his eyes were still focused on the T.V. as he listened to Jaebum speak. He didn’t know how to respond, not really wanting to respond anyway. So he didn’t, which Jaebum hated the most.

“Youngjae, why are you… I mean, can’t you at least talk to me? Or tell me what’s wrong? What you’re thinking?” Jaebum tried his hardest to get some sort of answer, to no avail.

Youngjae felt bad, but he really couldn’t find the right words. He was never good with words, but with Jaebum, it just seemed impossible to say anything at all. His throat tightens and his heart pounds a million beats per second, it’s like he can’t even get air into his lungs. He just freezes.

“Youngjae, please.” Jaebum pleaded, the tone of his voice now making him sound vulnerable.

That tone caught Youngjae’s attention though, making him look from the T.V. to Jaebum, who eyes had never left Youngjae. Again, Youngjae was wondering if it was the appropriate time to compare Jaebum to a sad kitten that he just wanted to hug and pet, but instead he stayed on the other side of the couch, his fingers still fumbling with his shirt.

Jaebum looked as if he was hesitating before finally saying what he wanted to. “Youngjae… if… if you’re mad at me, and it’s my fault, just tell me. Tell me what I did wrong. I’m sorry if I hurt you or made you feel uncomfortable or did things you didn’t want me to do, I’m really sorry. I just… I don’t want you to ignore me anymore. It's been a full day now, please… I can't stand it, please...”

Youngjae’s eyes widened as Jaebum apologized over and over again, looking down at the couch while doing so. He never wanted an apology. Jaebum never did anything wrong. Even when he leaned in and placed his hand between Youngjae’s legs, Youngjae didn’t hate it. He wanted it. He’s wanted everything Jaebum could give him and more. He’s cherished so many moments and imagined so many dirty scenarios, how could Youngjae just sit there and let Jaebum think that everything was his fault? And on top of that, Jaebum was just as tired of ignoring each other as much as Youngjae was, which didn't help Youngjae's feelings for him.

“No, stop, stop, Jaebum!” Youngjae said, catching the elders attention. “It’s not your fault, okay? Nothing was your fault. You didn’t do anything… wrong. So just stop saying sorry, please.”

Jaebum looked as if he was hanging onto every word that came out of Youngjae’s mouth. He nodded his head, still looking at Youngjae as if waiting for his next words to come out… that never came.

“So then… what’s wrong? Is it what I said? Did I ask you too much yesterday?” Jaebum continued to ask.

“No, I said it wasn’t your fault, didn’t I?” Youngjae said, a bit more sharpness in his tone than he meant to have.

“Then talk to me, if I’m not the problem, then why are you ignoring _me_ , just tell me- “

“I don’t know!” Youngjae said, gripping the bottom of his shirt. “I… I don’t know…”

Jaebum waited patiently for Youngjae to continue, leaning in closer as he searched for an answer.

“...It really is me. It’s not you, it’s me. I don’t know why I can’t look at you, or be around you or just… I don’t know.” Youngjae finally said.

Jaebum knew it wasn’t much of an answer, but he was glad he got more than just silence. He finally got something he could work with. “Okay, I see… Well, I mean, why can’t you… look at me? Am I too intimidating or something?”

Youngjae could’ve laughed at that question if it weren’t given the current situation. He’s never found Jaebum scary or intimidating as many like to say he is. He’s really a big softy in Youngjae’s opinion, which makes him even cuter when he tries to be chic in public.

“No… I’m not _scared_ of you, I mean, I’ve known you for too long to be scared of you, Jaebum.” Youngjae said, a hint of joking in his voice.

Jaebum must’ve caught it too, as his face softened and he seemed to relax a bit. “I-I guess you’re right. But…” He mumbled.

They stayed quiet for a moment, Jaebum’s eyebrows furrowing as he got lost in thought, while Youngjae glanced at him out of the corner of his eye, his nerves still messing with him as Jaebum pondered his next words.

“Well, when I think about it… it started when you ran out of the room yesterday. After I, uh, _touched_ you. You just… ran. And then you ignored me the rest of the day.” Jaebum said, making Youngjae unwillingly remember the events of the morning before. “So… why did you run is what I’m trying to ask I guess.”

Youngjae hesitated, thinking about what to say next. Jaebum will surely think differently of him if he answered truthfully. He didn’t want Jaebum to know that he was just trying to not think dirty thoughts about him. That’s a pathetic reason, it makes Youngjae _feel_ pathetic.

“I was… I just...didn’t want you to… touch me there, I guess…” Youngjae lied.

Jaebum’s shoulders suddenly slumped a bit, and his face darkened at Youngjae’s words. “Oh… I’m sorry…”

Youngjae immediately regretted his words, wanting to take back everything he just said. Of course he wanted Jaebum to touch him _there_ . That’s all Youngjae had thought about for weeks. He _wanted_ Jaebum to touch him, _wanted_ Jaebum to hold him, _wanted_ Jaebum to make him feel _so good,_ and wanted to do the same back— it was almost torture being around someone you wanted so bad but can’t have. Then, to make it worse, Youngjae turns away the person he’s wanted for so long.

“It’s fine! It’s okay, I just… it wasn’t… _bad…_ ” Youngjae said, trying to save himself from his previous words.

Jaebum’s face brightened a bit, as he realized the sudden compliment. “Oh… really?” He said a bit too suggestively, blushing along with it.

Youngjae was pretty sure that was a accident, but it made his insides twist, seeing Jaebum blush and become flustered at such a small, almost unnoticeable compliment.

“Y-Yeah…” Youngjae said, looking up at Jaebum who was slightly grinning back at him.

Youngjae then suddenly panicked, not knowing what to do now. It felt awkward again, and that was one of the worst feelings, so Youngjae did what he did best.

“Okay, so we’re good now, right? I’m gonna go to bed now, bye.” And with that, Youngjae quickly left.

Youngjae heard Jaebum calling after him, telling him to “wait” and “come back” but he pretended he couldn’t hear him, and shut the door behind him. He leaned against the wall and slid to the floor, his hands covering his face.

“Oh. My. God. How dumb are you?” He mumbled to himself. “First, you tell the guy that you don’t want him to touch you, when in reality you’ve been thinking of fucking him literally for weeks now!”

Youngjae rolled across the floor as he complained to himself.“Then, you try to save it with _‘It wasn’t bad’_ , seriously Youngjae? You might as well have said, _‘Hey, I like the way you jerk me off, let’s do it again sometime!’_ ”

He pounded his forehead lightly against the floor as he continuously called himself stupid. How far from the truth could his words and actions be? It’s like he can’t even control it anymore, Jaebum just boggles his mind and Youngjae can’t figure him out. His head is constantly clouded with _Jaebum, Jaebum, Jaebum_ all day, until it’s actually time to face Jaebum, then suddenly it turns into _run away, run away, run away_.

Youngjae remained on the floor of his room, still trying to digest everything that had happened. When the guys finally came back, they had brought dinner, and the one thing Youngjae _never_ ignores is his stomach, so he went out to eat. Of course Jaebum was also at the table, and the two were back to not speaking again.

“So, what did you guys do to pass the time?” BamBam asked while stuffing his face with food.

Youngjae immediately looked at Jaebum, who was staring back at him. Youngjae almost choked, looking away from those piercing eyes.

“Nothing. We just talked for a bit, but that was it.” Jaebum said, sounding a bit disappointed.

“Oh, so Youngjae actually left his room?” Jinyoung asked, pretending to be surprised.

Youngjae rolled his eyes. “Oh shut up, how come we only see Mark come out of his room twice a day and we’re fine with it, but then when I do it, something's wrong with me?” Youngjae complained.

“Because no one notices me if I leave my room or not, unlike some people, who like to make a lot of noise every time they move. It’s unusual for you to be so quiet throughout the day, Youngjae.” Mark explained between bites.

“I’m not loud!” Youngjae scoffed, and suddenly Jackson, who was sitting next to him, clutched his ear.

“Ah! I told you about my left ear Youngjae! Remember I had to stop standing next to you or else you probably would’ve blown my eardrum!” He said, making everyone laugh.

“Stop exaggerating…” Youngjae said, getting up to leave the table.

“They’re just joking, don’t be so upset.” Yugyeom said as he watched Youngjae leave, having had to deal with his own amount of teasing from the others.

“I’m not leaving because I’m upset, I’m just going to bed.” Youngjae said, leaving the kitchen to go to his room.

He saw Jaebum out of the corner of his eye watching him as he headed down the hall. He took a quick shower and immediately went to bed, not wanting to hear or see anyone else for the rest of the night. Especially Jaebum. Youngjae even put on his headphone every time he heard the shower running, not even paying attention to see if it was Jaebum or not.

He eventually drifted to sleep at some point, having a pleasant dream about Jaebum coming into his room late at night, his face and body illuminated by the gentle moonlight, hovering over him as Youngjae waited in excited anticipation of what Jaebum was gonna do to him.

“Youngjae.” Jaebum whispered.

“Hmm?” Youngjae hummed in response.

“Youngjae, I- “ Jaebum started, but was caught off guard by Youngjae’s hand cupping his cheek.

“Just kiss me already.” Youngjae said groggily, leaning up closer to Jaebum.

“W-Wait, wha- “ Jaebum’s eyes widened as their lips connected, his thoughts suddenly lost in the light, soft, warmth of Youngjae’s mouth against his own.

Youngjae was very much enjoying this dream, until the kiss felt like it lasted a bit too long, and the way Jaebum’s hands came up to his cheek and neck to pull him closer felt a bit too real, and his body temperature was rising a bit too much, _way_ too much.

Youngjae suddenly pulled away, eyes widening as his brain started to wake up. Jaebum’s cheeks glowed a deep pink, even in the dim light, and Youngjae, who was now wide awake, mirrored that look. He jumped out of bed, almost knocking Jaebum over, and ran to the bathroom, locking the door behind him.

He sat on the toilet, staring at the floor as he started to breathe hard, before looking up at himself in the mirror. The realization of the whole situation hitting Youngjae hard, his world seeming to be closing in around him.

“ _Shit_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a mess, literally and figuratively lol.


	4. 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really dont know why I updated so fast lol.

Youngjae woke up slumped on the toilet, his still sleepy mind trying to put together why he was there in the first place. He tried to recall the events that placed him in the bathroom on the toilet.

_ I locked myself in here… why? I had a dream, I think. What was it about? _

It suddenly clicked.

_ Jaebum walked into the room in the middle of the night, he sat on my bed, I… kissed him? In the dream, right? It wasn’t real, it was in the dream, wasn’t it? _

“Wasn’t it?” He mumbled to himself, his fingers gently touching his lips.

Youngjae shook his head, trying to get his thoughts straight. He looked out the bathroom window, it was still dark. He must not have been in the bathroom too long.

_ Is Jaebum still in my room? _

Youngjae shook the thought from his head. Why would he even be in his room at all? It was just a dream. It was all just a dream. 

With that in mind, Youngjae walked over to the bathroom door and opened it, about to step out until he looked down. Jaebum was sitting in the hallway in front of the door, his head slung to the side as he slept leaning against the wall. Youngjae held back a yelp and closed the door again.

_ Why is he outside the door!? _

Youngjae stumbled back to sit on the toilet, his mind still boggled and thoughts still fuzzy. Was it really just a dream? Or… did he  _ actually _ kiss Jaebum?

“No, fuck, no, no, no, no, no…” Youngjae mumbled while clutching his head.

He closed his eyes and rested his forehead against the wall. 

_ Calm down. It was a dream. It really was a dream. It had to be a dream. Just had to. Jaebum just happens to be outside because… because he had to use the bathroom! That’s probably why, and you had locked yourself in here selfishly so that the others couldn’t use it. _

Youngjae took in deep breaths as he made up an explanation that made sense, rather than completely freak out over one that didn’t. He tiptoed to the door again and peaked out. The light from the bathroom slipped between the door and gleamed on Jaebum’s face, making him glow a golden color.

_ He looks like a god… _

A brief image of Jaebum's golden body tied up and splayed perfectly out for Youngjae like a buffet flashed through his mind. Why did that turn him on just now?

_ Stop it. _

Youngjae shook himself from the thought, focusing on trying to get back to his room. Jaebum’s legs were out stretched, taking up most of the hallway, so Youngjae had to carefully maneuver over them if he wanted to make it to his room unscathed. It’s right next door, so it shouldn’t be hard, but then again, Youngjae is a very clumsy one, especially in the dark. He’d do better if he could see what he was doing, but he had to turn off the bathroom light (can't waste electricity!), so it was just him and the dark. 

He let his eyes adjust to the dark before he took his first step carefully, remembering where Jaebum’s leg was placed to avoid it. He felt his foot hit the floor, and not a limb, and felt a bit safer about bringing forward the other foot. He swung his other foot forward, the back of his heel landing on some sort of material, which must’ve been Jaebum’s pants. Youngjae froze and listened carefully. Jaebum’s breathing was still even, he didn’t hear any disruption in his sleep, so he carefully continued. He took one more quiet step that brought him to his room doorway, and practically ran inside, shutting the door promptly behind him. 

He collapsed to his knees, taking in gasps of breath as relief washed over him. He looked at the time that glowed from his digital clock sitting on his nightstand, it was two in the morning. 

_ What the hell am I doing at two in the morning? _

Youngjae couldn’t think anymore, all he wanted to do was was sleep. He figured that sleep usually helps everything, right? He dragged himself to his bed, almost dropping himself on it as it only took moments for him to drift off.

\---------

That morning, Youngjae woke up, a bit tired but still refreshed, until he was once again reminded of the night he had. He couldn’t let that get in the way of today though, as the group didn’t really have much of a schedule, but they had dance practice for their upcoming comeback. Therefore, Youngjae couldn’t remain in his room and hide from Jaebum all day. He just couldn’t.

He left his room, almost expecting Jaebum to still be sleeping out in the hallway, but instead it was empty, and Youngjae was kinda glad that he moved at some point. He didn’t really like the thought of Jaebum sleeping there all night, especially if it was because of him.

_ But it wasn’t because of me right? Not because I…  _

Don’t think about it. That’s what Youngjae said to himself as he continued to the kitchen, prepared to face Jaebum. He walked in a normally as possible, if that was even possible anymore, and to his surprise, he was just greeted by Mark. Usually Jaebum is up, but he was nowhere to be seen.

“Oh, hey Youngjae.” Mark said when he noticed him walk in. “You’ve been waking up pretty early lately.”

“Hi, uh, yeah… i just haven’t been sleeping all that great, but I’m okay.” Youngjae said as he went to pour himself some cereal.

Mark watched him, not taking his eyes from Youngjae even when he sat down to eat.

“Are you sure?” Mark finally asked.

“Sure of what?” Youngjae’s mouth was half stuffed with the cereal he shoveled in there.

“Sure you’re okay?” Mark stared at Youngjae, his concern showing even with his laidback attitude.

Youngjae sighed. “Why does everybody care so much? I’m  _ fine _ , just stop asking, okay?”

Mark dropped his own spoon in his cereal, the action showing that he’s already getting annoyed with Youngjae.

“Cut the bullshit.” He said bluntly, catching Youngjae off guard with the sudden language and anger in his voice. “You’ve been moody all weekend, we can’t have that, especially when we’re preparing for our next- “

“Yeah, I know Mark. Who are you, the leader now? Stop lecturing me, I got it.” Youngjae said, dismissing Mark.

Mark is one to keep his cool, but he’s also one explode with anger as well. It usually depends on how he’s feeling that day, but Youngjae has definitely tangled with Mark on one of his bad days before, hence the broken air conditioner.  Youngjae can tell now that he was treading dangerous waters, but he knows that the other was just trying to help.

“That’s what I fucking mean. The attitude, what the hell did we do to you? You’ve been mad one second, sad another, I just don’t get it.” Mark said, shaking his head and picking up his spoon for another bite.

“It’s called feelings Mark, try having some instead of sitting there like an expressionless mannequin.” Youngjae said, standing up and taking his cereal to his room.

Mark’s jaw dropped at the insult, his anger level rising causing him to throw his spoon across the room. “Yeah, go on and do what you do best Youngjae, run away!”

Youngjae stopped in his tracks, something about what Mark said hitting a bit too close to home, before continuing to his room. He sat on his bed and tried to eat his cereal, but by that point he had lost his appetite. They didn’t have to go anywhere til noon, so Youngjae spent his morning showering, listening to music, and playing video games, trying to take his mind off of recent events with the few things that actually keeps down his stress.

He tried hard not to think about the past few days, but that still hasn’t worked out too great for him. What Mark said earlier that morning had really bothered him.

_ Do what you do best, run away. _

Is that really all Youngjae does? When he thinks about it, that’s all he’s been doing recently. He ran from Jaebum twice (three times if you count the dream, was it a dream?), ran from Jinyoung, ran from Mark, and it was all when they were trying to help and see what was wrong with him.

_ What is wrong with me? _

Youngjae couldn’t even pay attention to the game anymore, he shut it off and just stared at the ceiling. 

_ How did all of this even start? _

That movie. That damn movie that Youngjae wish had never been invented. He wished it never sparked his interest in those dirty things, and he wished that Jaebum didn’t see it with him. He wished he didn’t look up weird things and wished he never watched porn. He wanted to revert back to when he didn’t even know what any of those things were, he just wanted to be normal. 

Yet, even after everything, he still finds himself thinking of Jaebum. In  _ those _ ways. He thinks about the “dream” he had, how soft Jaebums lips felt, and how even though it caught him off guard, Jaebum was still able to take control of the kiss. The way his hands immediately rose to cup Youngjae’s cheek and neck, tilting his head slightly to get a better angle, sent shivers down his spine. Youngjae bit his lip, his body heat rising as he thought more about Jaebum.

It was like, Jaebum was his forbidden fruit that hung teasingly in his sight, but he can’t eat it. It looks so good, so appetizing, juicy and refreshing, like one bite of that fruit would taste like heaven. Yet Youngjae holds himself back, knowing that it’s forbidden, knowing that trying to indulge in that fruit would only bring more harm to both of them than good. But he wanted it so bad. So, so bad.

His head gently rested against the headboard as his hand snaked into his pants. His member that had grown hard just only from thoughts of Jaebum strained against his tight boxers. He reached down and wrapped his fingers around himself, slowly pumping himself as he thought of Jaebum trailing kisses down his neck. He knows he’s not supposed to be thinking of him. It’s not allowed. It’s forbidden. But just the thought of Jaebum’s hand wrapping around his erection felt way too good to ignore.

His mind drifted into the place it wasn't supposed to be in. He jerked himself slowly, his breath hitching when his thumb ran across the head that was already leaking precum. He imagined it was Jaebum, slowly stroking and squeezing him like he did the other day. His hips jerked upwards into the warmth at the thought, shivers running down his spine as his other hand ran under his shirt to tease his nipples. He imagined his legs being tied to each side of the bed, so no matter what Jaebum did to him, he couldn't run away. The thought of Jaebum running his tongue across Youngjae’s sensitive nubs as he struggled against his constraints sent shockwaves through him, a shaky breath escaping him. Youngjae's hand moved faster, the only thing in his mind being Jaebum as he neared his climax. It doesn’t take long when he thinks of Jaebum, Youngjae always cums way too quickly when his mind drifts to the elder.

Youngjae's breath quickened and soft moans fell from his lips, until they turned into soft chants of Jaebum’s name. His hips stuttered as he reached his high, cum spurting out and dirtying Youngjae’s boxers when he pressed his thumb into the head. 

He came with a soft cry of “Jae-bum, ah~”

His body was in a state of ecstasy as he came, his breathing quickening until he was able to calm down. As he relaxed, the sudden feeling of disgust set in, and he quickly felt the need to change his clothes. He hid his dirtied boxers under his bed to be washed separately later, and completely changed what he was wearing, as they had to leave soon for practice.

How could he think of these things at this time? Isn't it weird? Yet he can't get enough. Even when he tries to ignore his curiosity and his attraction to Jaebum, he somehow always ends up wanting to be pushed to the mattress with Jaebum dominating him. Just thinking about it now made his member twitch again, even after just being satisfied down there.

_ Don't think about him, Youngjae! _

Youngjae suddenly realized that he hadn’t even seen Jaebum all day, and he cursed himself for jerking off to him again, which will make things feel awkward for him. He'd rather not physically see the person he's been wanting to do dirty things with, yet not seeing Jaebum almost kills him. Around the time they needed to leave Youngjae heard Jaebum rounding everyone up like usual. So that means he was awake. And that he showered. And that he probably ate. It’s just that Youngjae didn’t see - or hear - any of it. That sort of made him sad. Like he missed out on something. He was brought out of the thought though, as he heard a knock on his own door.

“Youngjae, it's time to go.” Jaebum said softly from the other side of the door, which was a contrast to the loud and demanding tone he used with everyone else.

Youngjae gathered his items he usually brings and headed out, seeing Jaebum standing by the door waiting for everyone to come out. Youngjae walked passed, only glancing at Jaebum, before continuing out to the car. He hoped that Jaebum would be looking back at him, but instead, his attention was focused elsewhere.

Youngjae settled into the van and the others piled in, and they headed off to the company building to practice.

“Okay so, what happened earlier?” Jackson suddenly asked, no one really knowing what he was talking about. “The yelling? Mark was definitely yelling. Like, angry yelling. And I heard something being thrown. So what happened?”

Youngjae immediately averted his eyes to out the window, not wanting to talk about it. Mark on the other hand, didn’t mind complaining.

“Youngjae got on my nerves.” Mark said, his tone dropping to a scary low sound.

“Oh? Was there an air conditioner nearby?” BamBam teased, getting a glare from Mark.

“No, but there might be a laptop I can fling if you don’t shut up.” Mark said, making BamBam stay quiet.

“Okay, so what was it about? Youngjae?” Jackson turned to Youngjae who was just about to put his headphones in to ignore the conversation.

“It was nothing.” Youngjae said, still staring out the window.

“Ugh, he’s acting weird.” Jackson said, turning back to Mark. “What was it about, Mark?” 

“Just what you said, he was acting weird, so I asked him about it, and he had a whole attitude with me! I was just trying to care for my group mate, my  _ friend _ , but he didn’t seem to appreciate that.” Mark said, rolling his eyes.

“Honestly the same thing happened with me, I mean, it didn’t get out of hand, but Youngjae was acting really moody.” Jinyoung added.

“Jaebum, you said you talked to him the yesterday, right? Did he say anything that was bothering him?” Jackson asked.

Youngjae suddenly got worried, wondering what Jaebum would even say about yesterday. “Can you guys stop talking about me as if I’m not here? Seriously, you guys are annoying…” he said, putting his earbuds in to ignore everyone.

“See?” Jinyoung whispered, gesturing to Youngjae.

They all looked back at Jaebum waiting for him to answer the previous question. 

“Even if Youngjae had told me anything, I wouldn’t betray his trust in me and tell you guys. Unfortunately though, I have no idea either.” Jaebum said, glancing at Youngjae who turned down his music to hear Jaebum talk.

Youngjae appreciated that answer, it made his heart feel warm. Jaebum makes him feel warm. But more than that, Youngjae realized how bad he’s been treating the members. How this whole situation had been affecting his performance and behavior in the group. He was trying so hard to avoid something that would affect the group negatively, but ended up affecting the group negatively himself. That was too much for him to do to the others, it wasn’t right. The best he could do right now was work hard for them, as they had just arrived at the building.

They went up to the practice room and Youngjae immediately got into practice, which the others thought was quite unusual. 

“You’re working hard today, huh?” Said Yugyeom, who was surprisingly outdanced by Youngjae.

Youngjae smiled at him and continued dancing, accidentally making eye contact with Jaebum in the mirror, who was watching Youngjae closely. The group practiced into the evening, finally ending it off when the routine was just about perfect.

“Alright guys, I think one or two more practices and you’ll be set for your comeback!” The dance instructor announce, the group cheering in response.

“Guys let’s eat, I’m starving.” Said Mark.

“You’re always starving, Mark.” BamBam said with a smirk.

Mark blinked a few times, trying to understand the diss. “I can’t tell if you’re saying I’m too skinny or if I’m always hungry.”

“Both.” BamBam said, laughing and flinching when Mark made a slapping motion towards him.

“Let’s goooo.” Jackson said, pulling a giggling Jinyoung out the door.

“You guys go, I’ll stay and meet you back at home.” Youngjae said, again excluding himself from their activities.

“Come on~ you stayed home last time too, from the  _ arcade _ . Now you’re turning down food as well?” BamBam asked.

“I’ll pay~” Jackson said from the hallway, trying to tempt Youngjae.

“See? Now it's free food, how can you turn that down?” Yugyeom asked.

Youngjae laughed, but shook his head. “Guys I’m fine, I wanna stay here and practice a bit more. Just bring me back something.”

Yugyeom and BamBam pouted before turning away. “Fine, I’ll get you your favorite since you’ve been working so hard!” Yugyeom called back.

“Thank you!” Youngjae yelled in response.

Jaebum was the last to go, looking back at Youngjae as he walked out the door. 

_ At least he looked back… _

Youngjae turned back around to face the mirror and just as the door was about to close behind Jaebum, Youngjae heard him yell something. The door opened back again and Jaebum came back in.

“Are you sure!?” Youngjae heard Jackson yell from down the hall.

“Yeah! Don’t worry about me!” Jaebum yelled back.

Youngjae spun back around, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“Okay, I’ll bring you something too!” Jackson yelled from wherever he was.

“Thanks!” Jaebum said, before closing the door behind him.

Youngjae continued to stare at him his mind still not wrapping around the fact that Jaebum was here.

“What? Do you like what you see?” Jaebum asked jokingly, but Youngjae couldn’t help but think: 

_ Yes, a lot. _

Youngjae blinked, his mouth slowly opening to speak. “I-I thought you were going with them…” he stuttered out.

Jaebum glanced over at him. “I was. But I decided to stay here. I think me and you have a lot to talk about, and I can tell you’re avoiding it.” He said, sitting on the couch in the corner.

Youngjae gulped, knowing that Jaebum was right, and that he wanted to leave as soon as possible.

_ Do what you do best, run away... _

Those words echoed in his head as he thought of whether to leave or not. He looked at the door, wondering what would happen if he just walked out. The whole reason why he stayed back was to avoid Jaebum, but at this point, Jaebum can see right through him. Youngjae was surprised though, when Jaebum was suddenly in front of him, as he was too lost in thought to notice him get up and walk across the room.

“You’re not leaving this time. We need to talk, now.” Jaebum said with demand in his voice.

Youngjae looked at him, his heart racing at the close proximity. He wanted to run. He wanted to hide. This was too close and too awkward and a Youngjae felt he would mess everything up, it’s too much to risk.

_ run away... _

Youngjae decided that Mark was right as well, that all he does is run. And by the looks of it, Jaebum wasn’t letting him go so easily. Youngjae took a step back, just to distance himself a bit, but Jaebum took a step forward, keeping the close proximity.

“J-Jaebum, I won’t run away, just- “ Youngjae was cut off in his sentence by Jaebum suddenly grabbing his wrist and practically dragging him across the room.

He gently pushed Youngjae to sit down and Jaebum sat next to him, basically blocking his access to the door.

“I’m tired of asking you. You will answer me, or else we’re gonna be here all night, got it?” Jaebum started, his voice firm and final.

Youngjae hesitantly nodded, the way Jaebum was demanding him to answer made his heart stop. He liked that side of him, where he’s in control and in charge, just as much as he likes Jaebum’s soft and caring side. It reminds him of that part of the movie when-

_ Not now, Youngjae! _

Jaebum took in a deep breath. “What is up with you?” 

Youngjae shook his head. “Nothing.”

Jaebum sighed, shaking his head. “You said you would answer me.”

“I did. Nothing.” Youngjae didn’t know why he was still lying at this point, he was still embarrassed about the whole situation, but Jaebum seemed like he’s really trying.

Youngjae yelped as Jaebum reaches over and grabbed the back of his neck, pulling him closer.

“I’m tired of this Youngjae. You think it’s fair? This fucking game you’re playing with me. You think I’m okay with this?”

Youngjae’s eyes widened, as Jaebum spoke. He felt Jaebum’s breath ghosting across his skin with every word, sending shivers through Youngjae's body.

“G-Game?” Youngjae mumbled, not really understanding.

“Yes,  _ game _ . I make the first move, you run away. Then you say everything is fine, then run away. Then you  _ kiss _ me, and run away. All while basically ignoring me the whole time. What kind of guy do you think I am? That you think you can just toy with me like that?” Jaebum say, his voice shaking as he spoke.

Youngjae shook his head, his own emotions twisted and confused. “I-I don’t know…”

“I’ve waited for you for so long, then I think I’ve got you and you just run from me. And it feels like you’re looking back and laughing as I chase you. I can’t keep doing this, it starts to hurt, you know? Feeling so close to something you want but you can’t have? It hurts.”

Jaebum was upset, and so was Youngjae. He wasn’t upset with Jaebum though, he was upset with himself. How could he have let this draw on for so long? Was he really  _ playing _ with Jaebum? He didn’t feel like he was, he just felt confused. Just so confused.

“I don’t know…” Youngjae parroted himself.

“...Is that it? I don’t know? That’s all you can give me?” Jaebum asked, his eyes searching Youngjae’s face for more of an answer.

“I don’t know! I just… I don’t know. I’m confused…” Youngjae responded, his hands coming up to cover his face.

“If you’re so confused then why did you kiss me? Why did I make you feel so good when I touched you? Why did I… why did I hear you  _ moan _ my name earlier?” Jaebum asked, a blush settling across his face.

Youngjae felt his own face heating up. He felt exposed and embarrassed and awkward, and this is the part when he’s supposed to run away, but Jaebum was so close and he could barely move and Jaebum won’t let him go anyway. 

“T-The kiss, I thought it was a dream, I didn't know… a-and… I, uh…” Youngjae struggled to defend himself when what Jaebum was saying made complete sense. Youngjae didn't even know why he was so confused himself.

“A dream? No… no it wasn't a dream, it was very much real. That moment was something I would never forget…” Jaebum said, making Youngjae blush harder than ever. “But... if it  _ were _ a dream, then you would have kissed me? You would have made the first move?” Jaebum asked

Youngjae panicked, he didn’t know what to say, Jaebum had backed him into a corner. “Y-Yes…” Youngjae almost whispered.

Jaebum looked around the room before burying his face in his hands. Youngjae looked at him curiously, wanting to know what he was thinking.He then suddenly sat up and shook his head.

“So, you willingly kissed me, you like me touching you, you jerk off to me… yet you’re confused?”

“I-I never said I jerked off to y- “ Youngjae said.

“I heard you this morning, stop with the lies. You’ve been lying for days, aren't you tired of it?” Jaebum asked.

Youngjae couldn’t answer. He  _ was _ tired of it. He wanted Jaebum to know how he felt, but he feels so wrong telling him. He felt backed against a wall at this point.

“Look, I'm tired of being led on. If you want me, tell me right now. Or else…” Jaebum trailed off.

That “Or else” part left a bad taste in Youngjae’s mouth. Or else  _ what _ ?

Jaebum shook his head and looked at Youngjae. “Just, tell me.”

Youngjae was suddenly put on the spot. Jaebum’s large brown doe eyes were scanning Youngjae’s face, as he waited for an answer. Youngjae wanted to say yes, he wanted to to say yes  _ so bad _ . But he couldn’t bring himself to. He was nervous and still confused and he froze again, he fucking froze. And Jaebum is just sitting there waiting, but Youngjae can't bring himself to speak. Why can’t he speak? Where did his voice go? Suddenly, he’s mute. His throat is tight, his mouth is dry, he can’t breath, and Jaebum is  _ way too close _ . He’s suffocating in his scent. Literally suffocating.

Jaebum’s eyes dimmed as the silence between them continued. It seemed as if the life was drawn out of him as he slumped back.

“I see… okay. I get it.” He finally said.

Youngjae watched him stand up and turn, heading for the door. He gave a look back at Youngjae, it almost feeling like as if it was the last time they would see each other.

“I’m going home… see you in a bit.”

The door shut behind him. Youngjae’s vision blurred. Why was it blurry? Something ran down his cheek. He touched it. Why is his cheek wet? He was crying? Why was he crying?

_ Why did Jaebum leave? Why didn’t he stay? Why didn’t you say anything? Why didn’t you stop him? Why didn’t you go after him? Why does your chest hurt? Is this what he feels like? What is wrong with you? Why did you do that to him? Why aren’t you normal?  _

 

_ Why does it hurts so much?... _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I DIDNT MEAN FOR IT TO GET SO ANGSTY YIKES I GOTTA BRING IT BACK. And again, sorry for not that much smut, I promise it's coming, I just need to get to that point in the writing lol.


	5. 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops another kinda quick update lol. I read all your comments and omg you guys made me change the story 139383 times like wow i get so inspired from your comments lmaoo.
> 
> I hope I satisfied you guys lol.
> 
> (I also made a direct reference to a Got7 song, let's see if yall notice it ;))))

Youngjae arrived home very late that night. He spent time walking through the streets, trying to get over what had happened, but at the stage they were in in their relationship, Youngjae couldn't just ignore things anymore.

He fucked up. He knows he fucked up, and he doesn't know how to fix it. He should've just told Jaebum the truth. He should've just said how much he liked him. Whether Jaebum returned the feeling or not shouldn't have mattered, their friendship comes first. So even if Youngjae did not confess his romantic feelings, he should have at least been honest with Jaebum as a friend rather than I just letting him walk out.

Instead, Youngjae ran and hid from him. Watching Jaebum walk out that door crushed Youngjae. He realized that that must've been what Jaebum felt everytime Youngjae ran. The pain of seeing someone go and you don't want them to leave, but they don't stop, and they don't look back, they just keep going until they're out if sight, that pain is the worst. That's why Jaebum had said it hurt, because it fucking did. It hurt a lot.

Youngjae messed up the possibilities of a relationship, and probably ruined their friendship. He didn't even want to return home that night, but he knew he had to at some point. He wasn't sober when he came in though. He walked home after buying a drink, a bit tipsy from the alcohol. He was nervous that someone would see him and yell at him for being a bit buzzed, but at the same time, he just wanted to drown out all the bad thoughts and forget what had happened in that practice room.

_That's right Youngjae, if you're not running from your problems, you're drinking them away…._

Youngjae walked into the apartment, a bit wobbly on his feet, but still able to quietly make it to his room. He stopped halfway there, pausing in front of Jaebum's room.

He looked at the closed door. _Is there still hope left?_ He wondered.

He shook his head of the thought, heading on to his room. He just wanted to go to bed and sleep it all off. That's all Youngjae does. Sleep, run, fuck up relationships, repeat. Is that really all he was good at?

Either way, there was no way he could think of mending things at the moment, and he was sure that he especially couldn't do it while a little tipsy. He continued to his bed, flopping on it and laying there for a while before rolling over to check the time.

“1:31am…” Youngjae read from the digital clock.

He groaned and covered his face with his hands, realizing how fast his life has spiraled downwards in the span of a few days. He hated feeling like everything was hopeless, and he hated feeling like it was all his fault, but it was.

More than that though, he hated seeing the way Jaebum ran out and how after pouring his heart out, Youngjae was still unable to respond. Why does his body, mind, and heart all tell him different things? One second he's begging for Jaebum, then he's suddenly running from him, then he doesn't even know what he wants anymore. Why can't he differentiate between what he thinks should be versus what he actually wants?

He knows he wants Jaebum, yet he can't say it. It feels like he shouldn't say it, or else it would possibly ruin everything else they had. He was never really confused with his feelings, it's pretty obvious that he has a thing for Jaebum, but instead he was more confused on how to handle them. He feels weird and scared and awkward and embarrassed whenever he has to face his feeling with Jaebum, he just ends up shutting down and finds the quickest way to escape.

Drinking didn't help, he only had two medium sized bottles of liquor, but it didn't completely rid him of his thoughts and pain. Youngjae didn't even know he was the type to drink when he's upset, but he thought he should try it since many others do it and say it helps, and it felt good at the time being. He wasn't completely drunk though, he can handle alcohol pretty well, so it just got him a bit fuzzy, but nothing to completely throw him off. The only thing he really felt was exhaustion; mental and physical exhaustion.

He drifted off to sleep with his clothes on, not really caring at that point, and his dreams were filled with him and Jaebum doing wonderful things, whether it be dirty sexual or just tooth rotting sweet. His dreams were nice, and perfect, they depicted what Youngjae truly wanted. But dreams are just dreams, not reality, except for that night that Youngjae thought his reality was a dream. Either way, when Youngjae woke up the next morning, he definitely wasn't cuddling up next to the leader like he had left off in his dream.

He had a slight headache, the after affects of drinking settling in. He rolled around in bed for an hour and a half, his light hangover mixing with the stress of the past few days to create an even worse headache. He must've drank a bit more than he thought, initially not feeling anything from that first bottle, hence buying a second. That probably was where he went wrong though, where in the moment he didnt feel anything, but the morning after was when it all came crashing down on him. It felt like his forehead was being hammered in.

He finally decided to stop wallowing in bed and get up, dragging himself to the kitchen, thinking that food or juice might help. Everyone else was already up having breakfast, as Youngjae had slept in really late that morning.

“Oh hey, Youngjae's back to his late sleeping self again!” BamBam exclaimed when he saw him enter the kitchen.

The others looked over at him, including Jaebum briefly, who was sitting on the opposite side of the room, before looking away. Jinyoung frowned when he saw the younger.

“No, wait…” he said, walking around the kitchen table towards Youngjae. “Your eyes are red… and you're still wearing the clothes you wore yesterday… what time did you get back last night?”

“Oh yeah, he wasn't here when we came back from dinner… didn't Jaebum stay back with him at the practice room?” Yugyeom asked, looking over to Jaebum.

“Yeah but Jaebum was back earlier, so I assumed that Youngjae was just hiding in his room again.” Mark said, scratching his head.

“No, I checked, Youngjae didn't come back until after all of us were home, and I was gonna stay up and wait for him but I accidentally fell asleep…” Jinyoung stated, looking back at Youngjae. “So answer the question, when did you get back, and why didn't you contact anyone?”

Youngjae shrugged. “I don't know… 1 something am?” His words came out slow and slurred, as he was still not feeling too well.

“You look awful, what were you doing by yourself at one in the morning?” Jinyoung asked.

Youngjae clutched his head as the pain felt sharper. “I-I dont know, all I need is a fucking aspirin and some orange juice right now, so please move.” he said, pushing past Jinyoung to get to the fridge.

Jinyoung sighed, shaking his head. He spun around to face the leader. “Why weren't you with him?” he asked Jaebum, who was in the middle of eating his toast.

“What? I was with him.” Jaebum said, a mouthful of food.

“No, you obviously weren't. You were home before we came back, and we assumed that Youngjae was with you, but judging by how he looks…” Jinyoung trailed off, not wanting to say just how bad Youngjae's appearance was.

“I'm fine, just stop talking about me, okay? I was just fine by myself. I got home in one piece, right?” Youngjae clumsily twirled in a circle with his arms outstretched, showing that he was still in one complete piece. He then shrugged and walked out to the bathroom, taking his juice with him.

The others watched him go, all looking at each other, puzzled by Youngjae's recent behavior.

“Anyway… you guys figure out what the hell happened, I gotta get going, you guys may be off, but I got a schedule today.” Jackson said, finishing off his yogurt before heading towards the door.

“Us too unfortunately…” BamBam said gesturing to him and Yugyeom.

“Come on maknaes, well see you guys later!” Jackson called, closing the door behind the three of them as they left.

Jinyoung waved goodbye before turning and heading off to his room. As he walked off, Youngjae came out the bathroom and back to the kitchen now only having Mark and Jaebum in it.

“Where'd they all go?” He mumbled, the question mostly directed to Mark as he tried not to think about Jaebum's presence.

“They had schedules, and Jinyoung just went to his room, which I'm going to do now.” Mark said, heading back down the hall.

“Ah, wait…” Youngjae called, stopping Mark in his tracks, he didn't want to be left in the same room with Jaebum again, and his head was still pounding. “Do you know where the aspirin is?”

“It wasn't in the bathroom cabinet?” Mark asked, a bit of worry in his voice.

“No…” Youngjae said, clutching his head again.

“Oh man, your headache seems bad…” Mark said, his eyebrows furrowing as he tried to think about where the medicine could be.

“...I know where it is…” a voice from behind Youngjae said.

Mark looked up at the man behind Youngjae. “Oh okay cool, just when you done put it back in the bathroom so we all know where it is.” Mark said, before continuing on to his room.

Youngjae turned around to Jaebum who had just stood from his chair. He didn't say anything, just looked at him.

“Come, and I'll give it to you.” Jaebum said, somewhat coldly, walking towards the kitchen counter.

Youngjae hesitated before shuffling after him, wanting to leave as soon as possible. He didn't expect to be in a room alone with Jaebum so soon, but his head hurt like crazy, so all he could do was follow him to where the medicine was.

Jaebum opened the drawer and pulled out the bottle, placing it on the table. “I forgot I put it here last time I took some and didn't put it back.” he turned to Youngjae, looking at the younger who refused to look back at him. “You need one or two?”

Youngjae winced at the throbbing in his head, shrugging his shoulders at the question.

Jaebum sighed as he turned back around to the counter to get out some pills. “Yeah right, you don't know. That's your favorite thing to say, huh?”

Youngjae flinched at hearing Jaebum say that, the elder still obviously held up on what happened the night before. Youngjae knew why he was upset, and understood why he was, but having that angry tone directed towards him made Youngjae feel even worse than he did.

Jaebum turned back to Youngjae and placed two pills in his hand, then reached over and grabbed a glass, now turning to the sink to fill it with water. “The hell were you doing out so late last night anyway? You stay out and do reckless things, and then I'm the one who gets lectured for it.”

Jaebum turned back to Youngjae with the glass, leaning in close to his face and breathing in before giving it to him. “Alcohol? You were drinking? Ugh, I still smell it on your breath.”

Youngjae was caught off guard by the action, and he instinctively leaned away, but his heart thumped at the sudden close distance he had with Jaebum.

Jaebum watched Youngjae take the pills, and took the glass from him, heading back to the sink to wash it, and complained the whole time. “You stay out late all night with alcohol in your system and who knows what could've happened? You could've done something really dumb while under the influence. And you had me worried sick! I was up late last night listening for you to walk through that door, do you know how close I was to going out and looking for you myself? You don't understand what it was like for me to feel as if it were my fault something happened to you. I couldn't sleep until I heard you come in! I didn't think you'd be so irresponsible, doing something so stupid- “

Jaebum didn't even realize how much he had been complaining and lecturing Youngjae until he heard a sniffle from behind him. He immediately spun around and before him stood Youngjae with heavy tears flowing down his face. Jaebum's eyes widened at the sudden waterworks, not sure as to what brought them on.

“Y-Youngjae?” He called softly, taking a step forward towards him.

“I'm sorry…” Youngjae said in a broken voice. “I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…”

“F-For what? You didn't do anything, I was just doing some meaningless complaining, that's all…” Jaebum said, worried that he might have been too harsh.

“Not just that…” Youngjae said, before suddenly sobbing.

Jaebum didn't know what to do besides stand there awkwardly in front of him. One second Youngjae was fine besides the headache, then suddenly he was crying. Hard.

“I'm sorry for _everything,_ I mean. I've been so fucking stupid… I'm sorry for taking you to that movie and I'm sorry for leading you on and sorry for kissing you and I'm sorry for being mean to the others and I'm sorry for burdening the team with my stupid attitude and I'm sorry for saying 'I don't know' too much and I'm sorry for being just so dumb!" Youngjae was barely able to speak properly, all the words and feelings he's been holding in for days finally spilling out through sobs and ugly cries.

Jaebum took a few more steps closer, until he was able to gently hold Youngjae's shoulders. “Its okay, Youngjae stop crying. Hey, listen, stop crying, please.”

Youngjae shook his head. “No! I've been so terrible to everyone during these past couple of days, I hate it. I hurt the group and I fought with Mark and I was mean to Jinyoung and I hurt you, and you were all just trying to help me and I was acting like such a dick. I was never honest with any of you, and you were right, lying was becoming tiring, and all I did was lie and make things worse. I hate myself for everything that's happened!”

Jaebum shook Youngjae hard to get his attention, the younger still crying hysterically. “Hey! Don't say that! Don't you ever say that ever again! I know that the others will accept your apology and I do too, but please don't ever say that you hate yourself again. We all make mistakes, and we all get confused and caught up in our emotions, but that's no reason to say things like that.”

Jaebum pulled Youngjae against him, the younger resting his head on Jaebum's shoulder as he let all of his worried and stress and frustration out through his tears. Jaebum swayed back and forth, rubbing Youngjae's back as he got it all out, whispering that it was okay.

Youngjae spoke once he's calmed a little. “To think that you still thought of me… I thought I completely lost you when you left the practice room. I hurt you and I didn't mean to, you're the last person I ever wanted to hurt and I did and I'm so sorry… But you still waited up for me late at night while I was stupidly drinking, and you were going to go out and look for me, and now your taking care of me even after all that, which is… I can't even...you're just so… so sweet and great and nice and caring and handsome and sexy and I like you a lot b-but I couldn't even tell you that I liked you because I got so caught up in over thinking, and when I think about it, I don't even deserve you and I know you hate me now but- “

“Can you just shut up for a bit please?” Jaebum asked, cutting Youngjae off, but holding him tighter.

Youngjae complied, still clinging onto Jaebum and burying his face into the elders shoulder as he cried, a bit less hysterically. Jaebum eventually led Youngjae to the living room, pulling him down to sit on the couch, but never letting him go.

“I don't hate you. No one hates you. Yes, you were sort of a pain these past few days or so, but I can tell that you just had confused emotions. I get that. And I'm not upset. So please, stop crying, for me?” Jaebum asked as he held Youngjae tight, playing with his hair while the younger tried to get himself together.

“I'm sorry…” he mumbled against Jaebum's chest, his voice sounding a bit rough and raspy from crying so hard.

“Stop apologizing too. I told you it was okay. I just wanna know… does this mean that you will finally talk to me? Honestly?” Jaebum pushed Youngjae away from him, looking straight into his eyes for a direct answer.

“Yes. I'll be honest.” Youngjae said while sniffling.

“Good, that's good…” he caressed Youngjae's arm, making sure to never take a hand off of him. “You okay now? Got it all out?”

Youngjae chuckled shyly, wiping his eyes with the tissue he didn't even realize Jaebum had given him. “I guess I did…”

Jaebum was happy to see him smile, even if it was brief. It seemed like and eternity since the last time Youngjae was genuinely smiling. It was that same bright smile that lured Jaebum in, and the same one that made him fall for Youngjae in the first place.

“So… how about we start from the beginning...” Jaebum said. “The movie. You avoided talking to me about the movie…”

“I was embarrassed.” Youngjae said, looking away from Jaebum's intense stare.

“I can see why, but then I asked you again the day after about it, I asked you if you… were curious.” Jaebum said, leaning in as he waited for an answer.

Youngjae hesitated, the embarrassment of it all coming back to him. He felt his cheeks heat up and he knew that they must be a rosy pink color right now. He still didn't feel comfortable telling Jaebum about his whole fascination thing, but he did want to be honest.

“I… um, is it okay if we talk about the movie later?” Youngjae asked, mindlessly playing with the sleeve of Jaebum's sweater. That action briefly reminded Jaebum of when they were in the theater, and Youngjae would dig his fingers into his arm without realizing during the ‘adult’ scenes.

“Um, sure. We'll come back to that.” Jaebum said, moving on. “What I really wanna know is why you kept running from me. If everything you said earlier was true- “

“It was. I meant all of it. I hesitated too long to say those things, and I'm not taking them back.” Youngjae assured.

Jaebum suppressed a smile after hearing Youngjae say that. “...well, since it's true, why did you keep pushing me away?”

Youngjae shook his head. “I dont know…”

Jaebum frowned at the answer. Youngjae remembered that he gave that answer to many times and reminded himself that Jaebum deserved more than that.

“Uh, I mean, I was scared, I guess?” Youngjae asked more than stated. “It's just… like, every time I got close to you, I would panic, and my instinct is to just escape. I don't handle these situations well, I guess…”

“What were you scared of?” Jaebum asked.

Youngjae was quiet for a long time, and Jaebum momentarily though he had reverted back to the silent Youngjae he’s been recently again, until he suddenly spoke.

“I think I was scared of… rejection? Like, I was worried I was falling in too deep and I didnt know if you really liked me the way I liked you…”

“I basically told you that I liked you though! How straightforward do I have to be?” Jaebum asked.

“I guess very straightforward?…” Youngjae said.

“Fine. I, Im Jaebum, like you, Choi Youngjae. I like you a lot. Like, _a lot_. Is that clear enough for you?” Jaebum asked, watching as Youngjae lightly giggled and blushed a pretty bright pink.

“It's very clear.” he responded.

“Good.” Jaebum said, chuckling with Youngjae.

“But also…” Youngjae started again. “I was afraid of messing up the relationship we already had. I didn't want my feelings to get in the way of our friendship or teamwork, so I kept telling myself to ignore them.”

“Ah, Youngjae, you can't just ignore feelings. I mean, look what happened. You tried to keep them in all this time and then suddenly you're here bawling your eyes out. I know that it can get hard and confusing, but to be honest with someone else, you have to be honest with yourself first.” Jaebum said, almost sounding like a self help book.

“You make me feel dumb when you say smart things like that.” Youngjae said, looking down at his knees.

Jaebum chuckled lightly. “Well that wasn't my intention, but I'll take it as a complement.”

“Um, so…” Youngjae started, Jaebum turning his head and lifting a brow in question. “Are we… I mean, is this… what does this mean, exactly?” he asked, gesturing loosely between him and Jaebum.

“What? You mean us? What does the fact that we're finally talking mean for us?” Jaebum asked.

Youngjae nodded his head, admiring the way Jaebum can figure out what he was thinking with just a few words.

“Well, I'm not sure exactly where we stand right now, but I'm just glad I can finally talk to you without you running away. If you want to take it slow, then I'll gladly take it slow, as long as I'm with you, I don't care what we do.” he said, his hand moving to grab Youngjae's, entwining their fingers.

Youngjae blushed and smiled, unable to control what he was feeling at the moment. He felt… happy. He was glad that he didn't run this time, and felt relieved that he was finally truthful with himself and his feelings. All it took was a hangover, a pounding headache, and held in feelings for someone who cared a lot about him, for Youngjae to finally open up. It felt like a huge weight being lifted off his shoulders. He didn't realize how exhausting constantly hiding from the truth was, until he stopped doing it, and he realized that he has to change that habit with himself.

“I… want to be with you. And I'm not sure if it will work out, and I don't know how it might affect the group, and- “

“Youngjae, stop.” Jaebum said, squeezing his hand. “Don't be so negative, you always tell yourself bad things, which is probably why you lose so much confidence.”

“I know… I don't know what's wrong with me…” Youngjae brought his free hand up to his face, covering himself in shame.

“That's the problem right there. _Nothing_ is wrong with you, I can't find anyone more perfect than you.” Jaebum said, moving the youngers hand out the way to look at his face unobstructed.

“I'm not perfect…” Youngjae mumbled.

“You are to me. Honestly, I think what you need is someone to constantly remind you how great you are. And I volunteer as tribute to be that person.” Jaebum stated.

“What is this, the Hunger Games?” Youngjae joked, unable to hide the grin on his face.

“If you want it to be, then I'll gladly win it if the prize was you.” Jaebum said, not taking his eyes off of Youngjae, even when the other looks away.

“S-Stop saying such corny things…” Youngjae said, his blush turning an impossibly deeper shade of pink.

Jaebum laughed, loving the way Youngjae's face changed colors so easily. “You're so cute.” he stated, his thoughts becoming spoken words.

“Stop!” Youngjae yelled hiding his face again in embarrassment.

“I told you I'm gonna tell you how great you are, starting off with how you're absolutely adorable.” Jaebum cooed.

“Oh my God I hate you…” Youngjae groaned, even though Jaebum can clearly see the smile he was trying to hide.

“Let's just take this at our pace. We don't even have to be a couple yet if you don't want to. Let's just test the waters, and go from there. Does that sound okay?” Jaebum asked.

Youngjae looked up at him, his smile beaming and his face glowing in the morning sunlight. ”Sounds good to me.” he agreed.

“Great.” Jaebum lifted Youngjae's hand and kissed the back of it, making the younger blush for the 50th time that day.

This was only the beginning, but both were already satisfied with where their relationship stood. Youngjae was still a bit stupid and had some learning to do, but he was glad that he could now do it with Jaebum faithfully by his side, and he wouldn't have rathered it any other way, cherishing the moment as they laid on the couch all day, never letting each other go.

\-------------

Jinyoung was walking down the hall to the kitchen to get a snack when he heard the television in the living room on.

“Did someone leave the T.V. on again?” he mumbled to himself before going to turn it off.

He walked into the room and was surprised by the sight of Jaebum and Youngjae laying there together, their hands entwined as they slept peacefully.

His eyes widened and he immediately rushed back down the hall. He stopped in front of a door and knocked rapidly on it.

“Mark! Mark!” He whispered as loudly as he could.

The door opened and out came the elder. “What?” he asked, annoyed that he was interrupted while watching his dramas.

“Shhhhh! Be quiet! Come with me!” Jinyoung whispered, grabbing Mark's wrist and dragging him down the hall.

Jinyoung stopped just before the living room, leaning in to make sure neither person on the couch had woken up or moved.

“Okay, look! Look!” Jinyoung said, pulling Mark's arm.

“Wha- oh…” Mark said once he saw Youngjae and Jaebum.

“That's why Youngjae was acting strange and Jaebum kept going to talk to him! They have a thing for each other!” Jinyoung said, almost sounding like he solved a mystery.

“Jinyoung, this could just be a coincidence…” Mark said. “We shouldn't jump to conclusions like that.”

“Mark, when have I ever been wrong?” Jinyoung asked. “Look! Their holding hands! And Youngjae is all cuddled up into him, their totally a couple!” he said pointing, nearly fangirling over the two together.

“Jinyoung, that doesn't always mean what it looks like it means. I mean, I fell asleep countless times with you, and it didn't mean anything, right?” Mark said, trying to bring some reasoning into it.

“Well, it may have not meant anything to _you, b_ ut for _me_ , well…” Jinyoung trailed off, not finishing his sentence. “Anyway, I know love when I see it, and _that,_ that's love right there.” he said, pointing to the couple on the couch before ruffling Mark's hair and walking off.

“W-Wait.” Mark called after him, Jinyoung pausing before heading into his room. “Um, what did you mean? About how sleeping together didn't mean anything to me, but to you… you didn't finish what you were saying.”

Jinyoung shook his head. “Doesnt matter, dont worry about it.” he said, winking at Mark before walking into his room. His head quickly popped back out, as he forgot to mention something. “Oh, and let's not tell the love birds that we saw them like that. I think its it's only fair to respect their privacy. That is... until they tell us themselves about their relationship.”

Mark nodded in agreement, and with that, Jinyoung disappeared into his room, leaving a confused Mark out in the hallway. Mark looked one last time at the two members cuddled up on the couch.

“Must be nice…” he mumbled, before shaking his head and heading back to his own room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a happy endings type of person, so 2jae was gonna get together anyway lol. (EVEN THO THIS ISNT THE LAST CHAPTER, they still haven't talked about the movie yet ;)))).) Oh but sorry for the MarkJin at the end lol. It's just I'm a pretty hard MarkJin shipper (when Wang Gae Park Gae isnt in effect) and I though eh, why not throw in a little MarkJin surprise? This story is about 2jae though and will only be about 2jae, so dont worry, I'm not gonna shift between ships lol.
> 
> Wait omg I got an idea, I can do a MarkJin spin off, where it's a different story in the same world, but just focused on MarkJin instead of 2jae *gasp* should I?


	6. 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heads up lol this chapter is so boring. I mean maybe you'll like it??? Idk.
> 
> Double update today btw, I just wanna post this early and get your reactions to this first before I post the last chapter in a few hours.
> 
> Anyway, its official!!! I'll do MarkJin spin-off soon, maybe in the next few days??? (Maybe???) So if you are interested, you can come back for that! (whenever I post it... :^| )

Youngjae woke up, his eyes fluttering open to the T.V. that was still on whatever channel it had been left on. His head was resting against something warm and comfortable, and he realized that he'd been sleeping most of the day, probably because of the hangover and late night. He blinked a few times, starting to fully wake up and become aware of his surroundings.

He had been laying against Jaebum's chest, his body was somehow half on top of him and half on the couch, in some weird position that Youngjae couldn't even begin to figure out. Jaebum was leaning back against the side of the couch arm, his head tilted to the side as he slept undisturbed. His arms were around Youngjae's waist, keeping the younger close to him.

Youngjae smiled to himself, glad to be able to actually wake up to Jaebum's sleeping face rather than imagining or dreaming that he was. He would've laid there longer, if nature wasn't calling and it'd hadn't been hours since he last used the bathroom.

He carefully maneuvered his body away from Jaebum, slowly sitting up and pulling away from the elder who hadn't let him go since he started crying earlier. Youngjae didn't even make it off the couch though, as the arms around his waist tightened and pulled him back.

“Don't go…” Jaebum mumbled, looking at Youngjae through sleepy eyes.

Youngjae was startled by the sudden voice, but he smiled at the man under him. “I have to pee…” Youngjae said.

“I don't want you to pee.” Jaebum huffed, pulling Youngjae closer.

“If you squeeze me tighter I'm gonna end up peeing on you.” Youngjae said, only half joking.

Jaebum scrunched his nose in disgust and loosened his grip. “Actually, I'd rather you not do that, go pee.”

Youngjae chuckled and got up, turning away, and suddenly he felt a tug on his shirt. Jaebum had leaned forward and grabbed his shirt, keeping him from going.

“You're coming back though, right?” he asked.

“I'm just going to the bathroom, I'm coming back." Youngjae assured, pulling his shirt away from Jaebum and finally hurried to the bathroom. Youngjae wondered if Jaebum was still worried about him running away again. He was in too deep to run this time, Jaebum's got him locked in place, and he didn't mind it at all.

He sighed as he relieved himself in the bathroom, feeling 1000 times better than he did earlier that morning mentally, emotionally, and physically. He looked at himself in the mirror, seeing the same Youngjae he's used to seeing, but feeling completely different. It felt good, he liked it.

He washed his hands, then his face, noticing how puffy it became after his nap, then dried them on the towel nearby. He opened the bathroom door, yelping in surprise as he was immediately face to face with Jaebum.

“You take too long.” he said, leaning in the door frame.

“I dont think its it's been that long…” Youngjae said, checking his watch that he didn't even take off from the night before.

“Yeah, but a minute feels like an eternity to me.” Jaebum said, taking a step forward as he placed his hands on Youngjae's hips.

“O-Oh…” was all Youngjae said, not sure what Jaebum was doing or where the conversation was going.

Jaebum took a few more steps in, far enough that he can close the door with his foot, before twisting them around and pinning Youngjae to the door.

“I need you to be close to me as much as possible.” Jaebum whispered, his breath fanning over Youngjae's neck.

Youngjae shivered, his hands coming up to clutch the front of Jaebum's shirt. He felt Jaebum pushing his weight on him, pressing him firmly against the door. One of Jaebum's hands move from his hip to his jaw, tilting his head to the side so that Jaebum could place soft, wet kisses down Youngjae's neck.

Youngjae's body shuddered as Jaebum covered his neck with kisses. He didn't hate the feeling, but the sudden change in Jaebum caught him off guard, and he grew nervous.

“W-Wait, Jaebum…” Youngjae said, his voice small and weak.

Jaebum pulled away, looking at Youngjae with raised eyebrows. “What's wrong?”

Youngjae didn't really know why he was stopping him, as this was all Youngjae thought about and wanted for weeks. Yet he didn't feel like they should take that step yet. It didn't feel like the right time.

“Nothing, I'm just… I'm not sure if i'm ready for this yet…” Youngjae said, worrying about how Jaebum would react.

He did make sort of a down face, like he was a bit disappointed, but quickly replaced it with an understanding smile. “Okay, I understand.”

“You're not upset?” Youngjae asked, his hands still balled tightly in Jaebum's shirt.

“Of course I'm not upset, quit thinking like that. You're always expect the worst, try thinking positive for a change.” Jaebum said ruffling Youngjae's hair before reaching behind him to open the door.

Youngjae moved to the side so that Jaebum could leave, still feeling a bit bad,  but trying to take what he said into consideration.

“I'm going to make some dinner, we slept for quite a long time.” Jaebum swiftly leaned in and placed a brief kiss on Youngjae forehead before walking out, leaving Youngjae by himself in the bathroom.

He placed his hand on his chest, feeling how fast his heart was beating after the encounter. He needed a minute to breathe and get himself together before finally being ready to leave the bathroom. As he walked out, he ran right into Mark, someone else he still needed to confront.

“Oh, hi Mark…” Youngjae said awkwardly.

“Hi.” Mark said, continuing down the hall.

Youngjae watched him go, hesitating to call him back. He hates confrontation as much as anyone else does, but Youngjae was wrong for being so selfishly rude to everyone, so he got himself together and tried to do the right thing.

“Wait, Mark.” Youngjae said, just as Mark got to the end of the hallway. The elder turned around his eyebrow raised in question. Youngjae walked down the hall to stand face to face with him. If he was going to face him, he going to do it right.

“Um, I wanted to… say sorry…” Youngjae said, looking down at the floor as he spoke. “I was really rude yesterday and, I shouldn't have been…”

Mark nodded quietly, not giving much of a reaction to the apology. “It's fine.” was all he said, before continuing into the kitchen.

“Wait so, we’re good?” Youngjae asked, sort of surprised by Mark's easy acceptance.

“You said sorry, what else should I expect from you? We're good.” he said, then disappearing into the kitchen.

Youngjae was surprised at how easy that was, but when he thinks about it, Mark isn't that hard of a person to deal with. His easy and laid back attitude made things so much easier for Youngjae, especially considering on how much Youngjae could overthink things.

Since the others weren't here, Youngjae could only continue on to Jinyoung, wanting to make up with him as well. He knocked on his room door and he immediately opened it, his eyes widened a bit in surprise.

“Oh, Youngjae. What do you need?” He asked.

Youngjae noticed that he had a songbook in his hand, and he must've been working on some music before Youngjae interrupted him.

“Am I interrupting?” Youngjae asked, looking down at the book.

Jinyoung followed his gaze and immediately put the book on the nearby shelf. “Ah, no, I wasn't really doing anything. Come in if you want.”

Jinyoung walked back to his bed and sat on it, watching Youngjae walk in and close the door behind him. He gestured for Youngjae to sit next to him, which the younger complied.

“So, anything on your mind?” Jinyoung asked, leaning back onto his arms.

“Just an apology…” Youngjae said, glancing at Jinyoung briefly before continuing. “I wanted to apologize for acting the way I did with you, I know you were trying to help. I was just being a hormonal brat.”

Jinyoung laughed. “Hormonal brat, huh?”

Youngjae nodded, fiddling with his fingers. Jinyoung moved closer and threw an arm around Youngjae. “Don't worry, I understand. I forgive you.”

Youngjae smiled, glad that the members are so forgiving. He was worried that they'd still be mad, but no one seems to be holding any sort of grudge.

“Did you apologize to Mark too?” Jinyoung asked.

Youngjae nodded. “I just saw him in the hall, although his reaction wasnt that grand.”

Jinyoung chuckled. “That's Mark for you, don't worry about it. He's okay as long as you apologize.”

Jinyoung was quiet for a bit, and Youngjae was just about to leave before he spoke again. “What were you so worked up over anyway?” he asked.

Youngjae was caught off guard and didn't expect him to ask that. He didn't know if it was okay to tell anyone about him and Jaebum. He trusts the members, but what if they don't accept it? What if they actually aren't okay with it and him and Jaebum cant be together? He didn't know how to answer, and he wished Jaebum was there with him.

“Um… it was just… stupid stuff. Nothing too serious, I figured it out already…” Youngjae said as vague as possible.

Jinyoung hummed and nodded his head. “Well, that's good. You know, I'm kind of going through my own things now. Involving emotions and stuff.”

Youngjae eyes widened at the news. “Really? You seem to hide it so well.”

“Well unlike _you_ Choi Youngjae, I'm not an open book. I can control my emotions for the most part.” Jinyoung stated.

“Oh, I see… do you want to… talk about it or something?” Youngjae asked, trying to offer Jinyoung someone to confide in like he did for Youngjae.

Jinyoung shook his head, looking off in the distance. “No… it's nothing too serious. I mean, I feel like I might be in a similar situation that you were.”

Youngjae was caught off guard, surprised by what he said. “Oh… but I never told you what I was going through…”

“You're right, I don't know if we're in the same boat.” Jinyoung said. “But judging by some evidence I happened to come across, I think it might be the same. Just a guess though.” he ended with a smirk.

Youngjae was confused as to whether or not Jinyoung was basically confessing that he knows about him and Jaebum, and that he's in a similar situation with another member. He didn't want to ask him straight forward, but knowing Jinyoung and judging by the smirk, he probably wouldn't tell him anyway.

“Well, uh, good luck with that …” Youngjae said, standing up to leave.

“You too.” said Jinyoung back.

Youngjae paused, rethinking if he should ask Jinyoung if he knows anything, but he decided against it, leaving the room. He headed to the kitchen, wanting to check on Jaebum. The other three member that had left had arrived home and were sitting around the kitchen table chatting along with Mark. Jaebum had just finished cooking a large pot of ramen for everyone, placing it on the table for them to eat. He looked up and noticed Youngjae, immediately smiling as he wiped sweat off of his forehead.

“Come, eat.” he said, gesturing to the food, then turning to get some bowls.

Youngjae sat down next to Jackson, who nudged him in the arm.

“Hey, what happened while we were gone?” he whispered in Youngjae's ear.

“What do you mean?” Youngjae asked.

“Jaebum is in a really good mood. Like _really_ good! He made dinner for all of us! What did you guys do to him?” Jackson asked, looking around to see if anything had changed since they were gone.

“We didn't do anything, he's just… happy, I guess.” Youngjae said, hiding a smile as he hoped that he was part of the reason why Jaebum was in such a pleasant mood.

“Well, he needs to be this happy all the time!” Jackson said while grabbing some ramen from the pot to eat. “Oh, and you seem to be feeling better too.” Jackson commented.

“Oh, yeah, I am.” Youngjae replied.

“Good, we were worried.” Jackson said, his mouth now full of food.

Jaebum came back over to the table with a bowl for himself and Youngjae, and an extra one for Jinyoung if he comes out of his room. He sat across from Youngjae, the two stealing looks and grinning at each other while they ate.

After dinner, Youngjae volunteered to help clean the table and dishes, and of course Jaebum said he would join. Youngjae noticed just how clingy Jaebum could be, the two barely more that 3 feet away from each other as they cleaned up the kitchen while the other members went off with their business.

“Was it good?” Jaebum asked as Youngjae started cleaning the dishes.

“What good?” He asked, too busy focused on getting the dishes done.

“The food obviously.” Jaebum said, joining Youngjae by the sink and picking up a dish to clean.

“Oh, well, yeah. I mean it was ramen, ramens always is good.” Youngjae said, mindlessly not paying much attention to Jaebum who was seeking it.

Jaebum pouted. “But is was _my_ ramen.” he whined.

“Oh, I’m sorry, since it was made by you, it was the best ramen I’ve ever had.” Youngjae said, laughing at the ridiculous conversation.

Jaebum was too busy staring at Youngjae to wash his own dish, and he put it back down in the sink as he inched closer to the younger.

“Can I help you?” Jaebum asked suddenly.

“Weren’t you just cleaning something? Why’d you put it down?” Youngjae asked, looking at the dish Jaebum left half dirty.

“Because I like washing dishes like this better…” Jaebum said while moving behind Youngjae and wrapping his arms around the younger so that he was basically giving him a back hug while helping guide Youngjae’s hands as he cleaned the dishes.

Youngjae was caught off guard, and he froze when he felt Jaebum’s figure mold perfectly with his body. Jaebum’s chest was pressed against Youngjae’s back and he didn’t stop himself from leaning back into the warmth because it felt too good not to.

“See? This is better.” Jaebum said against the nape of Youngjae’s neck.

The tingling sensation that went down Youngjae’s spine didn’t stop there, a different part of him awakening in response to Jaebum's actions. He tried to focus on washing the dishes, but Jaebum was set on pulling the younger away from anything that takes Youngjae’s attention away from him. Just the way Jaebum poured the soap and slowly guided Youngjae’s hands around the dishes felt like it was supposed to mean more than it showed.

The moment only lasted for a few minutes, as both of them were startled by the sudden sound of someone clearing their throat. Jaebum quickly parted from Youngjae, both turning their heads towards the direction of the sound.

“Uh, I came to get some ramen, heard it was pretty good…” Jinyoung said from where he stood in the open doorway.

Youngjae wasn’t sure, but he swore he saw the hint of of a smirk on Jinyoung's face.

“Oh, we just cleaned up, but there is some left over. Uh, here’s a clean bowl.” Jaebum said, his voice coming out with a bit of awkwardness as he walked over and gave Jinyoung the bowl.

“Thanks.” Jinyoung looked between the two as they both stood there looking back at him and shifted around uncomfortably.

“Yeah… I’m gonna go shower now.” Jaebum glanced back at Youngjae, flashing a closed mouth smile, before hurrying out the kitchen.

Youngjae looked away, focusing back on the last dish that needed to be cleaned rather than on the embarrassment of Jinyoung catching them being all touchy with each other. Youngjae could practically feel that signature look Jinyoung has when he’s up to no good, the one that makes you feel as if he knows all your secrets, even though he wasn't even looking in his direction. It was just a matter of time before Jinyoung says something.

“So… cleaning up, huh?” Jinyoung said, almost waltzing his way to Youngjae.

“Yep… just cleaning…” Youngjae said, placing the last dish on the drying rack.

“Didn’t look like much cleaning…” Jinyoung said, now standing next to Youngjae who refuses to look at him.

“I-I don’t know what you mean.” Youngjae said, trying to walk past Jinyoung, the elder blocking his way.

“Aw, so cute. Remember what I said earlier, Youngjae? You’re like an open book. I can tell what’s going on.” Jinyoung said, a smile growing on his face.

“So you _did_ know…” Youngjae said more to himself, realizing that his suspicions were right.

“Yeah, me and Mark too. We saw you guys curled up on the couch and Mark told me not to jump to conclusions, but guess who was right again!” Jinyoung exclaimed happily.

Youngjae was surprised that Mark knew as well, wondering how they’ve already found out. “Just… don’t say anything to anyone. I’m not sure if Jaebum wants anyone to know about us yet.”

“Well, I don’t think the other three know anything yet, and I won’t tell them if you don’t want me to.” Jinyoung smiled warmly.

“Thank you…” Youngjae was actually relieved that Jinyoung and Mark were the ones to find out first, because the other members are ten times more likely to tell people than those two.

“No problem. Honestly, I wasn’t supposed to say anything until you guys became comfortable enough to tell us yourself, but I just couldn’t keep my mouth shut. So do me a favor and don’t tell Mark I said anything.”

“What? Did you say something?” Youngjae asked, pretending as if Jinyoung had never said anything in the first place.

Jinyoung smiled, playing along. “Nope, what were we talking about again?”

Youngjae shrugged, and Jinyoung shrugged in response, both giggling at their now shared secrets that they pretended they didn't have. Youngjae left the kitchen, somewhat glad that he had that moment with Jinyoung, feeling as if he could open up more to him about things now than before. Youngjae knew that that was his biggest problem, he keeps too many emotions to himself, so having a friend he can entrust his feelings and secrets in makes him feel like he can now share a heavy weight he’d been carrying all by himself.

As he walked down the hall, he heard that infamous noise that he’d missed so much. The faint humming in the shower that Jaebum had stopped doing for a few days, the humming that was almost impossible to ignore, it was back. Youngjae turned back to his old self again, stopping in front of the door and pressing his ear to the wood, drowning in the beautiful sound of Jaebum’s voice. He listened to the wordless melody of whatever song was stuck in Jaebum’s head, closing his eyes as he followed the changes in tone and pitch.

Maybe it was a weird new fetish that Youngjae had never heard of, but he was obsessed with Jaebum’s voice. He loved hearing it and for some reason it turned him on, hence the many nights he had of masturbating while Jaebum was showering.

He stood in front of the door until he noticed the shower turn off, which then he quickly went off to his room. He still felt weird about the things he felt about Jaebum, and he especially didn't want to be caught doing something weird because of it. He wasn't going to deny though, that he was secretly hoping Jaebum would visit him right after his shower, and some angel from above must've heard his prayers. Only minutes after Youngjae had went to his room and changed into something comfortable, a knock was at his door, and a wet haired Jaebum peeked in.

Youngjae looked up and tried to contain himself when he saw the basically naked man, besides that stupid towel around his waist, at his door. He felt his chest tighten and he tried to focus anywhere else that wasn't Jaebum, but it was quite hard when dripping wet abs were right there in his doorway.

“Hey.” Jaebum was wearing the brightest smile, and it suited him very well.

“Hi.” Youngjae replied.

“Just wanted to say goodnight before going to bed.” Jaebum said, stepping into the room and closing the door behind him.

“You um… just got finished showering?” Youngjae asked, the answer being obvious, but he was just trying to find something to talk about. That wasn't the best subject though, since the image that quickly flashed in his mind was a completely naked Jaebum showering.

“Isn't that kinda obvious?” Jaebum asked, walking over and sitting on the bed. “Do I smell good?” he asked, fanning the air around him towards Youngjae.

Youngjae laughed, even though he really did enjoy smelling the body soap Jaebum used. “Yeah, you smell good now.”

“ _Now_? So I didn't smell good before?” Jaebum asked, frowning.

“No, that's not what I was saying!” Youngjae quickly denied.

Jaebum laughed, and Youngjae wished he had recorded that sound because he was obsessed with that too, he wish he could just record everything Jaebum does so that he could replay it whenever he'd like.

“I know, just messing with you.” Youngjae sighed in relief and chuckled, seeing how much Jaebum liked joking around. A moment of silence passed, comfortable silence, but still quiet. “You know, I'm still curious...” Jaebum suddenly mentioned while adjusting his towel.

Youngjae furrowed his eyebrows at the statement, trying to not look down at Jaebum's waist as he was fixing his towel. “About?”

“The movie thing. We said we'd talk about it later. I mean, we don't have to right now, but I'm just saying, its still on my mind.” Jaebum looked around the room, seeming to be avoiding eye contact with Youngjae.

Youngjae had forgotten briefly about that subject, and Jaebum reminding him didn't help get his mind off of Jaebum's body that he admired so. He did say that they would talk about it later, but he wasn't completely sure if _now_ was exactly the time.

“Ah, yeah, I see.” was all Youngjae said, a bit flustered from thinking about it.

Jaebum gave him a smile that made his heart do a flip, before patting the younger's head and standing to leave. “Well then, g’night Youngjae.”

Youngjae didn't expect him to leave so soon, and didn't want him to. He wanted Jaebum to stay so that they could talk and touch, mostly touch, more. The feeling of Jaebum's hand on his head lingered even though he was on the other side of the room now, and Youngjae suddenly wanted more.

“Wait.” Youngjae called, not even registering what he was doing or saying as it came out of his mouth.

Jaebum turned, his eyebrows raised as he looked back at Youngjae who was biting his lip nervously.

“We can... talk about the movie now… if you want to…” Youngjae said, looking down at his bed sheets.

Jaebum blinked a few times before registering what Youngjae had said, then smiling and walking back to take his seat on the bed again.

“Okay, let's talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kinda hate this chapter because it's just a filler chapter before the smut. (Yessss smut is coming I've been waiting so long to write it and literally next chapter will probably be 90% smut ;)))) but literally nothing happened in this chapter. NOTHING. So... sorry for the boring one lol.
> 
> Hope you still enjoyed tho lol.


	7. 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I see a lot of Got7 stories have 7 chapter, and I though that maybe they do it on purpose because, you know, got7.
> 
> But here I am, writing a got7 story, unintentionally writing exactly 7 chapter lol. I guess it's just unavoidable???
> 
> And the longest chapter is almost all smut??? How fitting~ ;)

Youngjae shifted his weight where he sat, his heart racing as he prepared to tell Jaebum everything. He still felt really wrong for it, but he felt that maybe it would give Jaebum some insight on the _real_ Youngjae. He wasn't sure if he was ready to share the real Youngjae though.

It really didn't help that Jaebum was basically sitting there naked, the only thing covering him being a towel. Youngjae should've thought this through, maybe allowing Jaebum to go put on some clothes first. It would seem awkward to ask him to do that now though, so Youngjae just tried his best to ignore the glowing skin in front of him.

“So, where do you wanna start?” Jaebum asked, eyes locked on Youngjae.

“Uh, I was hoping you would start off…” Youngjae said, only glancing at Jaebum as he talked.

“Okay, well, like I asked earlier, I really wanna know why we saw _that_ type of movie in the first place. It's not really your… style, I guess?” Jaebum said.

Youngjae gulped and took a deep breath in before speaking. “I uh… I wanted to see it because I had seen the trailer…”

Jaebum nodded, waiting for him to continue, but Youngjae felt that that was enough of a reason to give.

Jaebum sighed. “That doesn't really tell me anything. Usually people go and see movies because of the trailer, but what intrigued you about _that_ specific one?”

Youngjae furrowed his eyebrows, slowly starting to regret saying that he'd talk about this. “In the trailer…” he started off, taking another deep breath before continuing. “um… the trailer started off kinda normal… and then it got… a bit…”

“It got a bit…?”  Jaebum repeated, waiting patiently for Youngjae to finish his sentence.

Suddenly Youngjae's nerves took over him, as he couldn't find the courage to continue talking about the subject. “Uh, you know what, nevermind, we don't have to talk about it.”

Jaebum's eyes widened, he leaned towards Youngjae, grabbing his wrist.”What? Why?”

“Just… I changed my mind.” Youngjae still avoided eye contact, feeling wrong and dirty about the thoughts he's had over the past few weeks.

Jaebum shook his head, moving closer to the younger. “No, you can't! You can't do that! Come on, just tell me what you were gonna say.” Jaebum said, almost sounding like a whiny kid who didn't get his way.

Youngjae thought it was cute, and he did say that they could talk about it. He felt bad for leaving Jaebum in the dark again, so he gathered up courage to continue.

“...the trailer got more… ‘adult’ I guess. And it had shown things I'd never seen before, so…” Youngjae trailed off.

Jaebum finished the sentence for him. “...So you were curious? I was right the other day? You wanted to know more about those things... like I did?” he asked.

Youngjae didn't enjoy being bombarded with so many questions about it, but he wanted to be as truthful as he could. If he could even live through the interrogation he was getting.

“...I guess?…” he responded, feeling a bit awkward and embarrassed.

Jaebum nodded his head, accepting that as an answer, even though it wasn't really one. “And so… did you find what you were looking for in the movie?”

“S-some of it, yes…”

“Did you do any more… ‘research’ about it?” Jaebum asked, carefully choosing his words.

Youngjae was silent for a minute, the line of questioning getting dangerously close to a less PG-13 place. He didn't know if he should answer, and was even more nervous when he realized just how close Jaebum had gotten to him. He nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt a hand rest on his thigh.

“You can tell me, Youngjae. I won't judge you. I already told you that I did. But I respect your decision if you really don't feel comfortable.” Jaebum said, trying to be reassuring, but instead he was making Youngjae's body heat up in inappropriate ways.

“I… did. I looked at… adult websites and stuff. B-But just because I was curious! I didn't… _do_ _anything_ while looking at them…” Youngjae confessed, even though it was half a lie. Of course he ‘did things’ while looking at 'adult' websites, he was human too.

Jaebum nodded though, not questioning the answer. “So… have you ever imagined yourself in their position? The main characters from the movie, I mean.”

Youngjae was caught completely off guard by the direct question. He blinked a few times, trying to register what Jaebum has just asked him.

“W-Wait hold on, I never said anything like that…” he quickly denied.

Jaebum smirked, almost as if he knew how flustered Youngjae was by the question. “I didn't ask you if you said anything about it. I want to know if you had ever thought about being one of the main characters.”

He looked at Youngjae, almost expecting some sort of answer, but the younger didn't know what to say. He did imagine being the female lead, obviously as a male though, and he imagined Jaebum being the one to do all those sexual acts with him. But he couldn't just say that out loud. He was already so embarrassed, and he didn't want to make the situation worse.

“I… um, I don't know…”

Jaebum took a breath in. “Okay, then let me rephrase. If you were to take one of the roles, who would you have wanted to be?” He asked, leaning in.

Youngjae could tell that he was being backed in a corner, and he wasn't sure of he wanted to escape or not. The conversation was going further into darker territory, making him extremely nervous.

“M-Maybe… uh… the female lead?” Youngjae mumbled, hoping Jaebum would be satisfied.

He apparently wasn't though, as he continued to as more questions. “So, you wondered what it was like to do those things? As the female lead’s submissive role?” he asked, getting a bit too close and personal.

“I-I mean, I didnt really… I mean yes but-”

Jaebum cut him off, a bit too excited about the subject. “So then, you've thought about using one of those toys on yourself… or even… someone else?”

Youngjae didn't answer, and he couldn't, as he was so caught off guard and flustered by Jaebum's questions and his body being _so close_. He took deep breaths, trying to calm himself, but a certain thing in Youngjae's pants was not calm at all.

“Or, are you the type to just like being pinned down as the other person does whatever they please to you?” Jaebum had slowly made his way to practically on top of Youngjae, who couldn't even remember how they got in this position, as he was too busy imagining Jaebum pinning him to the mattress.

Youngjae could tell that at this point, it wasn't about curiosity or the movie. At this point, it was about the two of them, and what they both had wanted for such a long time. Youngjae knew that once Jaebum's voice had dropped to a dangerously low pitch, and he could see the lust forming in his eyes, it was only a matter of time before he was melting in Jaebum's arms.

“Tell me, Youngjae… are you still curious? Do you _want_ to find out what it feels like?” Jaebum asked, nearly growling, which made Youngjae's pants grow tighter.

Youngjae felt it in the air, how thick and heavy it gotten, how hard it was to breath and think straight, how Jaebum's body radiated such intense heat that Youngjae could barely stand it. Youngjae in response to Jaebum's question nodded his head, their lips now only mere centimeters from touching.

“Good, because so do I.” he whispered.

Earlier, Youngjae had stopped this from happening, as he was too nervous and worried, so he decided they shouldn't do it. He let his mind get in the way again, and he was frustrated. Not angry frustrated, but sexually frustrated. Youngjae was at the point where he just didn't care, he wanted Jaebum on him as soon as possible. Which is why, in that brief moment where both of them knew and understood where things were headed, Youngjae thought:

 

_Fuck it_

 

And then they were kissing, soft and slow, but still heated. Jaebum took it slow, not wanting to scare the younger off, but since that first “accidental” kiss, both had been longing for another. Youngjae liked the pace they were going at, and he felt Jaebum's hands lightly run up his sides, making him shiver.

Youngjae was still nervous, but kissing Jaebum slowly drained it away to a point where he just wanted to try enjoying himself. He brought his hands up to Jaebum's bare chest, slowly running them across the soft skin and defined abs. He felt Jaebum's muscles flex under his fingertips as he explored the other with them.

Jaebum's own hands were busy, one set on Youngjae's cheek while the other lightly caressed his arm. He tried deepening the kiss, tracing Youngjae's lips with his tongue before licking into the younger's mouth. A barely audible noise came from Youngjae, but Jaebum must've heard it judging by the way he pressed himself harder against him.

Their tongues swirled in a hot mess of saliva as their bodies fit almost perfectly together. Youngjae's breath hitched when he felt Jaebum's hand that was caressing his arm moved to his hip, slowly pushing up his shirt. Jaebum's dull nails scratched lightly over Youngjae's skin, sending shivers down his spine. He placed his hand flat on Youngjae's waist, letting his fingers roam across the expanse of skin.

Youngjae gasped when one of Jaebum's fingers was dragged over his nipple, who was at the same time taking the opportunity to lightly bite Youngjae's lip. Jaebum squeezed and rolled his thumb over the sensitive nub that had Youngjae's body shuddering under him.

Youngjae felt like every sensation Jaebum made him feel was a godsend, as if Jaebum himself was an angel sent down to him from some wonderful place. The way Jaebum touched and kissed him, acting as if one wrong move could break him, yet still devouring him hungrily, it was a perfect balance that was better than anything Youngjae had imagined. Anything negative that Youngjae could still be thinking in his mind faded away and became replaced with the intense want for just more of Jaebum.

Jaebum placed one last gentle kiss on Youngjae's lips before he trailed butterfly kisses down over his jaw to his neck. He kissed the skin gently before lightly beginning to suck on the younger's neck. Youngjae was already panting and squirming from so much stimulation already, he could feel his erection tightly straining in his shorts. He imagined Jaebum was feeling the same under that towel, but he can't tell until it is removed.

Jaebum moved over to the other nipple, rolling it in between his fingers as he nibbled at Youngjae's neck. His thigh was in between Youngjae's legs, and he unintentionally pressed it against Youngjae's crotch, causing a moan to escape the other. Youngjae quickly caught himself, closing his mouth to prevent more embarrassing noises from coming out. Jaebum realized that what he felt on his leg was Youngjae's hard on, and he looked up at the younger while smirking.

He leaned up to Youngjae's ear, the latter almost holding his breath as he neared. “I feel you down there… you're really excited.”

Youngjae felt a shiver run through his whole body, especially his erection, and he tried to hold himself together, but Jaebum was slowly unraveling him. Jaebum bit his lip, looking at Youngjae as if he were a lion not fed in weeks,  and Youngjae was a good piece of steak, before continuing where he left off on Youngjae's neck.

He pushed Youngjae's shirt higher until he had to take it off, throwing it out the way somewhere. Jaebum watched it fly across the room, turning back to Youngjae when it landed.

“That reminded me of the day I came in the living room…” he placed a kiss on Youngjae's collarbone.

“...and you were wearing nothing but my shirt…” he nibbled lightly on the skin.

“... you don't understand how close I was to losing it… I wanted you right then and there…” he trailed kisses down Youngjae's chest.

“You're so pretty… that image will forever be burned in my mind.”

Youngjae's hips bucked up into Jaebum's thigh, the way Jaebum was talking to him making him more aroused. He whimpered when Jaebum's mouth found its way to his nipples, using his teeth and tongue to make Youngjae squirm. Jaebum felt Youngjae's stiff erection still pressed against his leg, and his hand trailed down Youngjae's torso towards his waistband. He paused just before it, looking up at the younger before continuing.

“Are you okay? Is this good?” he asked, making sure that Youngjae wants him to continue before doing so.

Youngjae nodded his head vigorously, desperate for Jaebum's touch there. He was met again with Jaebum's lips and the elders hand continued on its path into Youngjae's shorts. Youngjae forgot to breath as he felt Jaebum's hand squeeze around his clothed member that was still encased in his boxers. Jaebum sucked on the younger's tongue as his hand did magic in Youngjae's pants. Youngjae couldn't hold back the small whimpers that left his mouth as Jaebum traced the outline of his hard length with his fingers.

Youngjae's hips were gently rocking into the wonderful touch of Jaebum's hand. Jaebum pulled away from Youngjae's lips to admire his face that was painted with pleasure. Youngjae's lips were slightly parted and he looked at Jaebum through lowered lids, with the same amount of lust in his stare that Jaebum had. His face was flushed, his whole body glowing a pretty light pink color. Jaebum was ready to take him all the way right then and there, but knew he should hold himself back.

As Jaebum's hand moved from outside of Youngjae's boxers to inside, he leaned close to Youngjae's ear. “Tell me what you like, Youngjae.” he whispered while jerking his hand up and down the younger's erect member.

Youngjae bit his lip, clutching lightly to Jaebum's arm as his breathing grew faster. His legs widened and his hips bucked more often as he became enthralled in the feeling of Jaebum's hand down there.

Jaebum was not one who liked to be ignored though, so he slowed his hand to almost a snail's pace, and asked again. “Tell me what you like.”

Youngjae looked up at him, his breath still coming out hard. “I-I don't know…”

“What have you seen that you liked or wanted to try?” Jaebum asked.

Youngjae figured it was too late to be embarrassed about anything at this point, so he told the truth. “Handcuffs.” he replied.

Jaebum was surprised, finding out more about the Youngjae that was usually kept behind closed doors.

"You're into that stuff, huh?" Obviously, Jaebum didn't have handcuffs, but he got an idea. “How about this then…”

He leaned over to one of Youngjae's draws, searching through the items in it. Youngjae pouted at the loss of contact, but Jaebum was back in just a few seconds with a long dress tie.

“Give me your hands.” he ordered.

Youngjae liked the demanding tone of Jaebum's voice, immediately giving him his hands that Jaebum put together so he could tie the tie around his wrist. He tied it tightly, making sure the knot would hold long.

“There, let's start with that.” he said, before placing his hand back inside Youngjae's pants ang squeezing his member. “You look hot like that, maybe at some point, we can invest in some _real_ cuffs.” he whispered making Youngjae feel chills of excitement.

Jaebum placed kisses all along Youngjae's torso, careful to only leave light bruises that can heal in just a few hours. He gently started to tug at Youngjae's pants when he got to his hip area, and the younger lifted his bottom half up to help with the removal of them, along with his boxers. Jaebum grinned at seeing Youngjaes eagerness to rid of his clothes, throwing the last pieces of clothing that covered Youngjae's body on the floor and admiring the erection that sprung out.

He moved his hands to squeeze Youngjae's thighs, pulling them apart to kiss the inner part near his crotch. Youngjae squirmed and fidgeted as Jaebum teasingly kissed both thighs and pelvis around his erection, wanting his mouth desperately. Jaebum smiled as he looked at the mess he already made of the boy under him. As Youngjae caught his eye, Jaebum licked the tip of his erection, never breaking eye contact.

Youngjae did break eye contact though, groaning as Jaebum teased the head of his cock. It was becoming hard for Youngjae to hold in his noises as Jaebum swirled his tongue around the tip, giving a lot of attention to the most sensitive parts.

Jaebum pulled away patting Youngjae's thigh to get his attention. “Hey, don't hold back your moans. I've waited this long to hear them. Please, let me hear them.”

He then took Youngjae fully into his mouth, his erection hitting the back of Jaebum's throat almost immediately. Youngjae almost forgot to breath, the feeling Jaebum's mouth around him almost killing him. It was hot and wet and Jaebum sucked him slowly yet it had Youngjae writhing on the sheets. His fists clenched as Jaebum held his legs apart, giving himself full access.

Youngjae almost lost it when Jaebum started bobbing his head, a moan coming out of him as the pleasure increased. Jaebum was pleased to hear such noises come from Youngjae, saving them in his mind to remember. The sounds turned him on much more than he already was, and he tried harder to make more of them come out.

He came up with a lewd pop, dragging his tongue one last stripe up Youngjae's length before going lower to his balls. Jaebum looked up at the younger through his lashes as he sucked and licked him, loving the view. Youngjae looked down, just briefly, the sight of Jaebum between his legs being too erotic for him to handle. He did notice however that Jaebum's towel had come off, showing off his cute heart shaped butt.

Jaebum's hands found their way to Youngjae's ass, squeezing and kneading the cheeks before pulling Youngjae closer and spreading them. Youngjae looked down at him, a nervous expression on his face as he didn't know what Jaebum was gonna do next. Jaebum noticed though, and gave Youngjae's thigh a reassuring squeeze before leaning down and dragging his tongue across Youngjae's entrance.

A high pitched whine suddenly escaped Youngjae, and that told Jaebum that he should continue. He circled the puckering ring of muscles with his tongue a few times, getting Youngjae used to the feeling, before gently pressing his tongue inside. Youngjae's back arched as he felt Jaebum's tongue enter him, his erection throbbing at the feeling. He's never imagined this feeling before, but he wasn't complaining about it at all.

Jaebum shallowly fucked Youngjae with his tongue, slurping and licking his hole as the younger moaned loudly. He should probably be more quiet, but that wasn't working out too well for him anyway. Youngjae was breathing audibly hard as Jaebum ate him out, almost gasping for air at a certain point. Jaebum placed an open mouth kiss on his entrance before pulling away, leaving Youngjae desperate for him.

“You don't happen to have lube, do you?” Jaebum asked, gently pumping Youngjae's member.

“I-In the n-nightstand…” Youngjae said, still breathing heavily.

Jaebum was surprised by Youngjae's preparedness, leaving him momentarily to retrieve it. “Did you… use this with anyone?” Jaebum asked curiously.

“Y-You're the first…” Youngjae confessed, again catching Jaebum off guard.

“Oh, you're a… I see. Then I'll be careful with you.” Jaebum said, returning to between Youngjae's legs and placing a kiss on his hip.

“Wait, you sound you've done this before…” Youngjae mumbled.

“Well, I'll say I'm not a virgin.” Jaebum said, flipping the cap of the lube open.

“Oh…” Youngjae's face had obvious jealousy on it, and he didn't know why he was jealous, but just the idea of someone else with Jaebum made him sick.

Jaebum chuckled, happy to see how easily Youngjae becomes jealous. “Don't worry, it was long ago. I was stupid then...”Jaebum watched Youngjae's face brighten again, but then he had a question of his own. ”…but, why do you have lube though?”

Youngjae looked away, the blush that was already on his face turning darker. “When I watched… porn once, I saw them do it and I wanted to try so… I only got 1 finger in and it felt weird so I stopped.”

Jaebum chuckled as he poured the substance onto his fingers.

“Don't laugh…” Youngjae said, a pout on his face.

“No, its just... you're cute.” Jaebum said, smiling at Youngjae who wanted to cover his face with his hands, but couldn't really do it with the constraints around his wrists. “Don't worry… it might feel weird at first, but I'll have you eager for more in no time.” Jaebum promised.

Youngjae didn't know how to react to that besides turning his face away from Jaebum who seems to just love making the younger blush repeatedly. Jaebum spread Youngjae's legs carefully, then placed his wet fingers near Youngjae's hole. Youngjae jolted from the cold substance being rubbed over his entrance, and he tried to think about how good it would feel soon to take his mind off of it.

“Okay, I'm going to push one finger in. Ready?” Jaebum asked.

Youngjae nodded his head, bracing for the awkward feeling that came soon after. Youngjae hissed as the digit entered him, his walls clenching around Jaebum's finger. Jaebum slowly twisted and moved his finger around, getting Youngjae used to the feeling. He saw Youngjae struggling against his constraints, so he rubbed his thigh and placed kisses everywhere to try and calm him.

It took a bit for Youngjae to get used to the feeling, but Jaebum could tell that he was ready for a second finger when he seemed more relaxed.

“You're doing great, soon it'll feel really good. I'm going to put a second finger now.” Jaebum announced.

Youngjae appreciated how careful Jaebum was being, telling him what was happening and when, and soothing him as he experiences all of this for the first time. He wouldn't have rathered it any other way.

Jaebum slowly added a second finger, making Youngjae hiss again, the stretch being the main thing he felt. Jaebum twisted and scissored the fingers inside Youngjae, being able to reach a bit deeper this time. Youngjae definitely felt that, and when the sting of the digits stretching his insides went away, a bit of pleasure started to come from it.

Youngjae was gently rocking himself down onto the fingers, and Jaebum definitely noticed, that being his cue to search for that spot he knows will make Youngjae squirm in pleasure. He pressed against the walls, soft and quiet noises already coming from the younger. He curled his fingers a bit, applying some pressure, and that was when Youngjae completely arched off the bed, an unapologetic moan leaving him.

“Found it!” Jaebum exclaimed as if he'd just found buried treasure.

“W-What was that?” Youngjae asked in between pants.

“Let's call it… you're sweet spot. But if you really wanna know, its your prostate. Feels good, right?” Jaebum asked before pressing on it again, sending another intense wave of pleasure through Youngjae.

Jaebum thrusted his fingers in and out of Youngjae, occasionally stopping to just massage the sensitive bundle of nerves that made Youngjae whine for more. Youngjae's member rested stiffly on his stomach, the younger desperately wanting to pump himself to release, but it was difficult with his wrists tied.

“Okay, I think one more and you'll be good.” Jaebum said, preparing to enter a third finger.

Youngjae wasn't expecting three fingers to be inserted into him, and he didn't have time to argue as he already felt the stretch of a third finger entering him. He bit down on his lip hard as Jaebum now thrusted three finger in and out of Youngjae's hole. It was only a matter of time before Jaebum had Youngjae again pushing back onto his fingers, desperate to be filled. Jaebum moved back up to Youngjae's face still thrusting his fingers into him, while peppering kisses all over his face.

“Are you sure you want to go all the way?” Jaebum asked, wanting to confirm once more.

Youngjae nodded his head, unhesitantly. He was more sure about this than he has been about anything else the past few days.

“Take me all the way Jaebum, please, I want to go all the way with you.” he said almost breathlessly.

Jaebum kissed Youngjae deeply, the younger moaning into his mouth as his fingers brushed over Youngjae's prostate once again. He pulled them out and Youngjae audibly whined from the loss, the sound catching Jaebum's attention.

“Hold on baby, I need to prepare myself now…” he said, making Youngjae's cheeks heat up from the first time Jaebum has ever called him ‘baby’.

Jaebum poured lube into his palm, reaching down and coating himself with it. Youngjae watched, realizing that Jaebum hadn't even touched himself until now. He wanted to help him, so Youngjae brought his tied together hands down to wrap around Jaebum's erection, catching the elder by surprise. He moved his hands up and down as best he could with the restraints, feeling Jaebum twitch in his palm.

“Y-Youngjae, you don't have to- “ Jaebum couldn't even finish his sentence because in one swift motion, Youngjae had bent down and wrapped his lips around Jaebum's member.

He sucked as best he could, and he thought he was doing a pretty good job judging by the way Jaebum bit his lip and ran a hand through Youngjae's hair as his head bobbed up and down. It tasted weird, Jaebum's precum mixed with the lube he just put on, but Youngjae powered through it, with the thought of pleasing Jaebum on mind. He coughed a few times while doing it, and Jaebum eventually pulled Youngjae off and pushed him back down, hovering over the younger.

“Did I do okay?” Youngjae asked, his voice coming out a bit raspy from taking Jaebum's member in farther than he could.

“You did amazing, thank you.” Jaebum said, kissing Youngjae's cheek. Youngjae knew that it couldn't have been all that great, since it was his first time giving head, but Jaebum made him feel good about it anyway.

“Now, let me please you.” Jaebum said.

Jaebum applied a bit more lube to himself before placing a hand on Youngjae's hip and another on his member to guide his erection.

“Okay, this might feel a bit tight, just relax, okay?” Jaebum said, making sure Youngjae is aware of what was going to happen.

He didn't know what exactly to expect, but he braced himself for it when he felt the head of Jaebum's dick pressing against his entrance. As he entered, Youngjae already thought that he couldn't stretch wide enough to fit him in. Youngjae felt the stretch inside himself, gripping onto his pillow as Jaebum slowly pushed in. He kissed Youngjae anywhere his lips could reach, mumbling reassuring words as he worked himself in. Their foreheads pressed together as Jaebum fit himself all the way in, their breaths mixing in between them.

“Okay… I'm in… how do you feel?” he asked, constantly checking up on Youngjae.

“Full… tight and… full…” Youngjae muttered, still getting used to the feeling.

Jaebum chuckled dryly, as he was also getting used to the feeling of Youngjae around him. “I feel it too… you're so tight and warm.”

Youngjae clenched around Jaebum, not on purpose, but he was trying to get comfortable with the feeling of something warm and thick inside him. Jaebum groaned, feeling Youngjae's already tight walls grow tighter around him. He was trying to give Youngjae time to adjust, but he was running out of willingness to wait.

“C-Can I move? Are you okay?” he asked, his hands resting on Youngjaes hips.

Youngjae was always imagining this moment with Jaebum, never once expecting it to actually happen. He loved how caring and understanding Jaebum had been with him so far, and even though they were taking their relationship to the next level so quickly, for the first time in weeks, it felt so _right_. Youngjae took a deep breath in, preparing himself for a completely new sensation, before locking eyes with Jaebum and deciding that he was ready.

“Jaebum, please fuck me.”

Jaebum almost choked, not ever expecting to hear those words come out of Youngjae's mouth in that exact order ever in a million years. Yet he didn't hesitate, getting himself together quickly and pulling out slowly, before thrusting back in. Youngjae gasped when skin hit skin, his eyes wide open as he tries to wrap his head around this new feeling. Jaebum took a slow pace, just wanting Youngjae to get used to it before letting himself go.

“Damn, you're _so_ _tight_ …” Jaebum said, almost in surprise, even though that's what you'd expect from someone who hasn't done anything like that before.

Youngjae just felt incredibly good around him and it took all of his effort not to pound into him mercilessly. He did however, start picking up the pace when a few moans escaped Youngjae. Jaebum leaned down and kissed Youngjae as he thrusted into him, the younger gladly returning it, throwing his tied arms around Jaebum's neck.

“Are you… okay?” Jaebum asked again, however many times it's been at this point.

Youngjae nodded, looking Jaebum directly in the eye. “Don't hold back. I want it all.”

That was the clear sign that gave Jaebum permission to hold Youngjae's hips down, and fuck into him like there was no tomorrow. Which he did. And Youngjae wasn't prepared for it.

With the first harsh snap of Jaebum's hips, Youngjae gasped, and didn't have time to breathe properly because the next thing he knew, Jaebum's hips were snapping into him again. Youngjae was a moaning mess, not holding anything back, as Jaebum took him all the way. Jaebum tested a few angles, eventually finding one that made Youngjae moan the loudest, and he constantly hit that one.

Youngjae wanted to touch himself so bad, as his member hadn't been stimulated in what felt like forever, but the ties around his arms that were hooked around Jaebum's neck prevented him from doing so. It became worse when Jaebum snapped his hips harder, hitting Youngjae's prostate dead on. That drove Youngjae nearly insane, his nails digging into Jaebum's skin.

Youngjae could feel the coiling in his lower stomach begin to form, and his back arched off the mattress as he came close to the edge. Jaebum had been pleasuring him all night, and many times Youngjae felt he was close to edge, but now he was on the edge, about to tip over. His walls clenched tightly around Jaebum, and Jaebum somehow moved even faster than he was before, beginning to chase his own climax.

Youngjae was so close, and Jaebum could tell by the way his legs started to shake, and his moans became careless. Jaebum reached in between them, wrapping his fingers around Youngjae's member, and jerking his hand up and down to the same pace as his thrusts.

Youngjae took in a sharp breath that came out as a moan and turned into a whine as he came, following up with small gasps of Jaebum's name. Jaebum pumped him through his orgasm, the younger's body shuddering and convulsing as he was milked of his substances into oversensitivity. His stomach was covered with the white sticky liquid, but he was too fucked out after a mind blowing orgasm to care.

Jaebum was not too far behind, the way Youngjae's walls clenched around him as he came doing wonders for him as he reached his climax. It only took a few more thrusts before he pulled out of Youngjae and pumped himself to orgasm, his liquids mixing with the ones already spilled on Youngjae's stomach. He grunted as he came, pressing his forehead against Youngjae's as his own body shook from climaxing.

Youngjae pulled Jaebum down into a kiss, this one being sloppy and messy unlike their others. They were both panting into each others mouths as they regained their breaths and senses, both too caught up in each other to pay much attention to anything else. Jaebum planted kisses all over Youngjae's face, neck, and shoulders, the latter giggling in response.

“We have to clean this up.” Jaebum said not too long after, dipping his finger into the mess on Youngjae's stomach.

Youngjae made a face of disgust. “Why would you touch it?”

“Well, some people swallow it. Straight from the source. I might have to show you some time… oh. And we can try more things than just handcuffs, if you want...” Jaebum said, making Youngjae blush at the thought of it.

Jaebum chuckled and reached over to the wet wipes he saw on Youngjae's night stand. He cleaned himself and Youngjae, the younger watching him.

“Thank you.” Youngjae said when Jaebum finished.

“Well, you can't leave a mess when you're done. It turns all crusty and nasty.” Jaebum said, laying down next to Youngjae and wrapping his arms around him.

“No, I mean, just for everything. Thank you for being so nice, and sweet, and caring, and understanding, and for dealing with my dumbass, and… thank you for tonight…” Youngjae said, looking away as he said that last part.

Jaebum smile, his heart warming from Youngjae being so honest with his feelings. “Thank you for being you, Youngjae.”

Youngjae couldn't stop himself from leaning in and kissing Jaebum, cuddling his body closer to him. Youngjae didn't want to be anywhere else in the world than in Jaebum's arms, his head against the elders chest as they relished in each others presence in the dark of night.

“You know…” Youngjae started, hoping that Jaebum wasn't asleep yet. “I… I really like hearing you hum…”

“Hum?” Jaebum repeated.

“Yeah… like you do in the shower…” Youngjae confessed.

“Oh… so you listen to me while I shower?” Jaebum asked, knowing how flustered Youngjae was gonna get.

“N-No! I mean, I don't intentionally do it, it's just… the shower is right next door, so I hear you humming and I listen to it, but- “ Youngjae cut himself off when he heard Jaebum laughing, realizing that he was just messing around. “You enjoy doing that to me, don't you?” Youngjae mumbled.

“Yeah I do, a lot. You're just so cute, I can't help it.” Jaebum nuzzled his face in Youngjae hair, breathing in the smell of the shampoo he uses.

Youngjae was about to argue, when he suddenly heard that wonderful melody that he usually hears behind a closed door or through the wall. Youngjae could feel the vibrations of Jaebum's vocal chords against his cheek as he hummed, the soothing sound relaxing Youngjae.

“I love you, Im Jaebum…” Youngjae quietly mumbled against Jaebum's chest.

He caught Jaebum off guard, as he was not expecting a love confession so suddenly or so soon, and he definitely didn't expect Youngjae to say it first. Yet... it felt right. Even though their relationship started literally earlier that day, they have known and liked each other for a very long time. There really was love there, even if it was more friendly than romantic. It was still love. So it didn't feel awkward or too soon… it felt like something that's already existed and should've been said a long time ago.

“I love you too.” Jaebum said back, feeling Youngjae kiss him on the chest in response.

Jaebum continued humming, serenading Youngjae to sleep with the sweet, smooth sound of his voice, before he himself drifted off as well.

\---------------

The next morning, Youngjae woke up to Jaebum staring at him.

He was startled at first, but smiled afterwards, realizing it was just him. He admired the way the sun hit Jaebum's skin, giving it a glowing effect. Jaebum was frowning though, making Youngjae worry.

“Why did you wake up?” he asked, baffling Youngjae with the question.

“Um… because I didn't need to sleep anymore?” Youngjae asked more than stated.

“Now I can't look at your sleeping face. It was so pretty.” Jaebum whined, pouting.

“You shouldn't watch people sleep, its weird... “ Youngjae said, blushing at the complement.

“But you're too good not to watch.” Jaebum argued. “How was your sleep anyway?”

“I slept like a rock. And I feel great this morning.” Youngjae said, yawning.

“Well, they say the best sleep is after sex.” Jaebum stated, catching Youngjae completely off guard.

“Y-You can't say things like that so early in the morning…” Youngjae said, falling for Jaebum's trick to make him flustered again.

“Well, it's true.” Jaebum said. “I had a great sleep too, mostly because you were here.”

“Stop being so corny…” Youngjae said, rolling away from him to get up.

Jaebum chuckled and watched Youngjae get up, then suddenly fall back down.

“Ow!” He yelped, clutching his leg.

“What's wrong?” Jaebum asked, quickly sitting up to check on him.

“My legs hurt and… back _there_ hurts a bit too…” Youngjae said, massaging his muscles.

Jaebum let out a sigh of relief. “Oh, it's just sore muscles from last night, it'll go away.”

“Oh…” Youngjae said, trying to stand again.

He made it up and put some clothes on, then headed towards the door, wincing the whole time, as he was unable to hide the limp he had.

“You sure you wanna walk around with that limp?” Jaebum asked as he got up as well, borrowing some of Youngjae's clothes with a smirk on his face.

Youngjae thought about it, knowing the others would see his limp and ask him about it. “...Well, I'm assuming they know about us at this point…” He said.

“Well yeah, you definitely weren't quiet.” Jaebum stated.

“S-Shut up…” Youngjae mumbled, his cheeks bright pink. He opened the door and walked down the hall out to the kitchen where everyone else was already gathered.

They all looked at him when he walked in, whatever conversation that was being had stopped at the sight of Youngjae.

“Hi…” Youngjae said awkwardly as he went to get himself some food.

The kitchen was quiet, and Youngjae didn't suspect it to be this awkward with the other members. He was a bit worried that they were upset, but no one was saying anything, which worried him even more.

Eventually though, someone broke the silence.

“Is Jaebum really that good in bed?” Jackson suddenly asked.

Youngjae snorted in surprise, almost dropping his bowl of cereal he just made. “W-What?”

“Y’know… it sounded pretty wild in there last night, is he really _that_ good?” Jackson asked, the others starting to laugh a bit.

“Uh, well… he's um… experienced?” Youngjae said, feeling weird about the conversation, not sure why Jackson wanted to know in the first place.

“Hmm, experienced? So you're saying he's good? Like, he knew what he was doing?” Jackson asked shamelessly.

“Well duh, Youngjae was hitting high notes last night, and did you notice him limping? That seems like some good sex to me.” BamBam said, joining in.

“What do you know about good sex? You haven't even dated anyone before.” Jackson said.

“Yes I have! And I know a lot about it.” BamBam exclaimed.

“Oh be quiet, anyway, was it rough? Or was it gentle and loving?” Jackson seemed genuinely curious and Youngjae felt uncomfortable to answer.

“Hey, maybe we should leave Jaebum and Youngjae's relationship alone?” Mark cut in as he poured himself some juice.

“What about me? What are you guys talking about?” Jaebum asked, arriving in the kitchen wearing Youngjae's t-shirt and shorts, and Youngjae didn't mind it at all. Youngjae was convinced that Jaebum looks good in anything.

“Your sex life and how you fucked Youngjae last night.” Jackson stated.

“Look, he's wearing Youngjae's clothes!” Jinyoung pointed out, joining the trouble making.

“And Youngjae hasn't taken his eyes off of Jaebum since he walked in! So cute!” Yugyeom added.

“Wait, Youngjae's face has been red the whole time, do you think they did something naughty as soon as they woke up?” BamBam asked.

Jackson gasped in response, then looked over to Jaebum. “Did you?” he asked.

“No!” Jaebum responded, his cheeks now turning red.

Everyone laughed, enjoying teasing the couple together.

“Well, if you guys fuck again, do it when we're not trying to sleep please…” said Mark crankily.

“Oh, sorry about that…” Jaebum said, glancing at Youngjae who gave an apologetic smile.

“Honestly, I'm just glad their together now, I mean, it was bound to happen.” Jinyoung said.

“Wait, you were waiting for us to get together?” Youngjae asked, his eyes wide at Jinyoung.

“Yeah, you two aren't subtle about your feelings at all, we were all pretty much waiting for it. Remember, open book?" Jinyoung stated, the rest nodding in agreement.

"Yeah, Youngjae was wide open in more ways than one last night..." Jackson stated. 

Youngjae blushed a bit from embarrassment, but he was glad that the members were so accepting of them. It felt good to have the whole team supporting them, which made having a relationship easier.

“Thank you guys for being so understanding…” Jaebum said, also feeling glad.

“That's what we're here for.” BamBam said, smiling as he looked between the two.

“Can I just ask a favor?” Jackson said, looking at the two of them.

“Sure?” Jaebum said, unsure of what Jackson would ask of him.

“Can you guys kiss? To make it official?” Jackson asked, looking between Youngjae and Jaebum.

“You just want to see them kiss, don't you?” Mark asked.

Jackson grinned and shrugged in response, turning his attention back to Jaebum and Youngjae. “Well…?”

Jaebum looked at Youngjae, his eyebrows raising in question. “Do you… want to make it official?” Jaebum asked him.

Youngjae had never smiled brighter in his life than in that moment, when he nodded his head and ran to Jaebum, wrapping his arms around the elders neck and kissing him deeply as they made it “official”, while the others happily cheered them on in the background.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this story!! I had a lot of fun writing it, especially since those who read it and left comments were a huge influence on the outcome. Like I said, hope it wasn't garbage lol.
> 
> Look forward to the MarkJin spin-off coming soon!


	8. NOT A CHAPTER (MARKJIN)

I'm so sorry if you checked your email and got excited for an extra chapter, unfortunately this isn't one.

I'm just informing those who follow this story that I posted the MarkJin spin-off today, so if you'd like to check out "Why So Clingy" (Title subject to change), then please do so!

I do mention 2jae quite a bit in the background, but remember that the spin-off is ONLY about MarkJin, so don't expect me to focus too much on 2jae anymore.

But who knows, maybe I might update this series with some bonus chapters? ;))) 

I dunno ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

But anyway, thank you all for taking the time to read this!

Sorry again!

-Deescent

**Author's Note:**

> Hope yall enjoyed and hope it's not utter garbage lol.


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